Cha-cha-cha

I have noticed that when one of is down and struggling, the other is in a more resilient period.  I have noticed that the process we are involved in  requires diving and surfacing.  I think we have choreographed a dance here.  We have begun to trust where the other is.

I think this is one of the greatest gifts of my life.

I think we play with words differently.  I  was awake in the still, dark hours last night...still playing with the idea of suffering.  I  fell back into my violence and violation theory, and really felt the leading to write it.  It needs to be shared.  But I also felt that suffering from violence is natural.  We heal...like my wrist.  Suffering from violation takes more.  It takes more resilience.  It takes more faith and daring.  It is brave to reach out and do this work.  And sometimes I can do it.  And sometimes I feel powerful.  But then I cycle back around and feel the deepest self-loathing possible.

I am thinking about resilience yet again.  I am resilient, but not all the time.

Does that make sense?

You talk of letting go of suffering.  My brain resounds to the idea of transforming suffering.  I think we are talking about the same thing.

And step by step we are doing it.  But I am sort of doing the cha-cha.  I step forward, then back - cha-cha-cha!!!  Not a lot of forward progress, but I'm dancing and I'm moving and I'm covering different parts of the floor!

I have noticed that we are laughing more in this house.  The baby is adorable and funny.  And I also agreed to take our niece's pom-chi for a few months until she gets her own home.  We have never had a tiny dog before, and he makes us laugh.  This seems new and nice.

So maybe I am emerging from the depths of the swamp, to rinse off, bask and see what the Light reveals.

Your account of the woman's attitude of a perpetrator getting what he deserves broke my heart.  I am positive that he was abuse and destroyed as a child.  But I think the professional uses words like that to distance herself from the pain.  If we don't see the whole picture, we aren't responsible for changing anything.  We can blissfully move forward pretending that some people are simply bad for no reason and deserve to be punished.

Time seems weird today.  I can't figure out what time it is...

Anyway, love and hugs to you...

Clare