Can I just say...Yesterday SUCKED!
It was son#1's birthday, 17 yrs old. I was feeling lousy because of this virus, which has now started me wheezing, something I am doing more often than ever before in my life. Anyway, I baked him a cake and wrapped a few gifts. He was in a great mood after school. His best friend was coming over to ride on ATV's that we got the day before. When his friend arrived they spent a lot of time around his car, first in the trunk and then the back seat, moving stuff around. It made me suspicious, as this is one of the kids he has smoked and drank with in the past. Anyway, they went for a drive and I checked the car, there were presents wrapped and one was definitely a bottle. I went to pick up Son#2 from football and decided that when I came back I would put the presents on the table and ask him to open them in front of us. So I pick up my youngest who is MAD as hell because he was given a detention for aggressively, and probably disrespectfully, asking for a point on his spelling test. I talked to him about respecting authority and picking battles that are important as well as the timing of such battles and he got enraged with me for not supporting his side. By the time we got home he was lashing out at me, so I sent him to his room. In which he subsequently destroyed a door by punching it, cutting his knuckles open. He left, although I didn't see him leave. I checked the car of the other son to find they had removed the present while I was gone. Needless to say when they returned I asked what was in the present and he reluctantly admitted it was a bottle of vodka...well, I had enough nonsense at this point and I blew up. I very rarely yell...but I screamed at him and his friend. I told his friend that I "will not allow you to F**k up my son's life" and other choice words. I did tell him that I really like him, but will not tolerate this type of disrespect and disobedience from him. He previously promised to not buy illegal, abuse prone stuff for him in the past. So then about 8 son#1 calls and says he is about 5 miles from home, up a mountain, and can I pick him up. I drove to get him, picked up food for him, we talked and then came home for homework...which he wasn't able to finish so he did some this morning.
So today HAS to be a better day.
A few things from your previous post...
It is heartbreaking that B#2 was able to drive his stepsons away at 18. I wonder how he convinced their Mom that was the right course of action.
S#3 is offended by the slight, but B#4 had fevers from chemo the week prior so maybe no one them should have been visiting.
It is odd though. I texted S#3 on Thursday, just checking in with her. She finished the "conversation" saying let's get together and that she would contact me the next day when she had her calendar available. I have not heard from her since. I have not been invited to a family function in the center of the state in years, despite being accessible. I hear that there are parties at B#4's house and multiple siblings are gathered and I've not been contacted. S#3 came here for sanctuary with her daughter and kids when they were escaping the boyfriend, but other than that we have not seen each other.
I am telling you this because it IS tough to be ignored...
but, we all do it to each other.
No one of our family is really the low one on the totem pole...
we all just want to believe that we are most persecuted.
I would even say that there are several who are at the top of the pole...but then, when I think about the statement I realize that I have no idea what is happening in their lives or their perception of the family attention. One thing that I fear is that S#5 is going to become bitter when the parents' abilities deteriorate and she is feeling burdened. I think she is still angry that she had to take B#2 when I stated that I could not do it...she never told anyone that it was becoming difficult to have him there. But now she projects anger towards me.
Sorry I am on a rant today!
Your comments on self confidence interested me also. It make sense that employers want sheep that can be led and made to perform boring tasks...not ask questions or challenge the status quo. The arrogance is something that I might claim...but I would call it Bitch...a powerful female, willing to protect what is right and good. Being meek hasn't gotten us anywhere, so we might as well try aggressive, self-confident means to the end.
Thanks for listening/reading. I know that you've had tough days too, that's why I am sharing.
Love and Light,
Maggie
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