A quick post

I hope that your question about finding someone who loves you no matter what wasn't rhetorical...
I have to answer that I have heard you say that you push anyone who is interested away.
How can someone love you if you won't let them see you and know you?
I hate to say it sister, but you will have to open yourself to the possibility of love and worthiness before it can happen.

When I was separated I asked Mom how she stayed married for so long...
she said she couldn't imagine not being married to Dad...
Really...a highly intelligent woman like her couldn't imagine an alternative?
Most people stay in difficult relationships because they somehow feel as if they deserve them...(not to mention being Catholic)
I can't possibly know what went on in their marriage...how much love and support there was...
I can imagine a different life though.
I can imagine one where we actually talk and listen to each other.
One where respect and kindness are the driving principles.

I am finished with my trauma course. It was a really good experience...
I felt as if all that I learned normalized my/our experiences.
I understand my thoughts and reactions better now, and can accept them as typical reactions that a person would have under the circumstances.

It's funny that you assume that I am going to be a counselor. I am trying to stay away from counseling. But you, and my wise friend both have said that I am a healer. Thank you for that.
I trust that I will end up doing what I am meant to do...I can trust that.

Ah yes the near abdustion- I was walking alone, in front of the community pool and a car pulled over. A middle aged man asked for directions. I gave him the directions that he asked for and he acted very confused. He kept asking questions, jumbling up the directions. He was trying to get me to get into his car. Our neighbor, the one between us and the little church, pulled up behind him and stayed there. He kept checking his rearview mirror and finally gave up and left. I believe she reported it to the police, but I never heard of it again.
It was scarey...but I didn't have the mindset to run away.
I stayed there, at the car, even though it felt dangerous.
I guess I don't have fight or flight reflexes...I have freeze reflexes.

I am off to a baseball game and then a play
...have a great evening,
Maggie