I am here. You are not alone.

Being overwhelmed with emotion is a good thing.  Let the emotions wave over you.  Feel all of these things that have happened to you.  It's the only way you get to have a weekend of tears!  You are blessed.  You have led such a rich life.  I have not have had such intense experiences, because I did not go into medicine.  I have lived a bit more vicariously, as a writer and reporter.  I have a similar experience of being a sounding board for people who need to talk about their pain.  I make people cry - I allow people to cry - I make it safe for people to cry.  I think it's because we have been through enough, and acknowledged that we have been through it, to be both understanding and nonjudgmental.  I know you are going to be a fabulous counselor.  I met a Quaker man who is a healer and he found he was taking on the pain of the people he worked with.  He learned to consciously let it all go every time he washed his hands.  Maybe you could do a similar ritual.  And you can tell me about it.

This energy comes to you because you are an incredibly compassionate healer. You are strong enough to handle it, and Spirit is seasoning you!

I did not know about the near-abduction.  What were the circumstances?  I was grabbed by a man on the street while walking to the store with B#4.  I was 8 or 9.  When the police thought they found him, and asked me to come i.d. him, Mom and Dad were busy, so we didn't go.  Predators have a radar for kids who are not protected.

Ah, the baby stories...you delivered one of mine, and I remember you were crying and you said that if you cried like that every time, you were going to be a wreck!  And my favorite birth story is your second delivery, where you cursed at me from the delivery table.  And I wasn't even there!

I read through your list of experiences, tried to let it all rush past and get a feel for it, and I thought about all the pain we have experienced.  And I know that feeling pain is part of being fully alive.  But what came to my mind is that some pain is avoidable.  When we are protected from that, we have the flexibility to withstand the unavoidable kind.  Maybe the job we have taken on is having the ability to point at the avoidable kind and tell ourselves and our fellow humane beings to just stop and think.  And stop it!  Be there for each other, use kind words, support others so no one is so overwhelmed that they lash out at weaker beings, speak up for those who have no voice or who have lost their voice.

Still playing with images.  The vision of my heart is that it was punched or punctured, and so there are flaps that need to be rejoined.  I am trying to gold them back together, like the image of the Japanese bowl.

I saw all of the characteristic in Dad that you mentioned, but it felt like he was furious with the world, as opposed to depressed.  To me, depression is heavy and quiet.  But I suppose depression wears many faces.  I listened to Taylor Swift's song Mean today.  She pretty much nailed it, the behaviors, then asks "Why do you have to be so mean?"  I imagined singing it to Dad.  But she says someday she'll be living in a big ol' city, and all he's gonna be is mean.  If living in a city is a symbol of success, why doesn't it work that way?  I am living alone, and feeling alone.  I work a lot but don't seem to get ahead.  And Dad married someone who devotedly stuck by him, no matter what.  There is someone lost inside of me asking why no one has ever seen that kind of value in me.  Why not me?  Am I really so damaged that I can't let anyone near, and yet people like Dad find someone who love them no matter what.  It really breaks my heart...and I'm just getting it golded back together...but this isn't really breaking my heart.  It's softening it!  The tears are softening the hardened soil of my being so something new can blossom in me.  (I hope....Oh god I hope this is leading me somewhere new.  I can't live here in this pain anymore)

And now I feel like a self centered brat complaining about my life and my problems.  Who am I to complain?

As you feel the pain of your experiences, feel my love.  I am here.  You are not alone.