My Various Dreams

Ok, so to further describe the dream...

This is the first time I have had to courage to go to the window...walk through the dark...and see his face.
I previously hid in my bed hoping to remain unnoticed...but then terrified when he approached...That was when I couldn't scream...I just opened my mouth and a kind of stuttering moan came out.
I did not recognize him...he was smiling, but I had a very clear sense not to trust that smile...
After I pushed the ladder away the dream ended or I woke up.

One of my dream issues is that I wake myself up before resolution...I am afraid to see the outcome.
I remember dreams vaguely, frequently...
I am able to remember details alot more now that we are doing this work.
I do believe that they are teaching and guiding me. I trust my dreams.

I have had deja vu dreams throughout my life...they are protective for me.
I dream a scenario and see how it plays out...
and then soon after (not the same night generally) I dream the same scenario, with a different reaction or choice that I make...and I see the outcome of that.
It is usually just 2 options that I dream...but soon after I will find myself, awake in that scenario...I will know what to choose.

I have had highly symbolic dreams in my life...I told you the one about the war zone in our F-burg house. There were important symbolic dreams when I chose to separate from my husband.

When I am really lost in life, I dream I am in a house with many hallways and stairs...my first love is always somewhere in there...he returns to help me navigate the really tough stuff.

I have received lyrics in my dreams...The Quilt, which is all good memories of my life, was a gift from a dream. I woke up and ran to the vanity and scribbled it down. It took me some time to really understand all of the people/memories I had included in that song.

So back to Mom's family;
Aunt T came to visit and I remember her making an offhanded remark that she, "could have had your Dad if I wanted him"...I remember Dad being very upset by that comment. I have always wondered if he dated her first.
What did her letter say? I don't remember that letter before she died.
She was an alcoholic, and I believe her husband was as well.
It would be very interesting to ask questions of our cousins...but we just aren't close and it would be intrusive. I used to write to one of her daughters when I was in high school.
I do remember being jealous that Grammy lived with them in CA and we barely saw her. So she was a nurse like the rest of the women in Mom's family, right? Why do you think they all went into nursing? Cultural pressure? tradition? family expectation? The uncles went to college and earned graduate and post graduate degrees.

That is interesting that you are identifying with her, as the oldest. I can see the comparison...I wouldn't have made it though.

Keep looking for your Wild Woman...it's not wild as in crazy...it's more an instinctual, intuitive, earthy wildness...I think you are closer than you know.
Can you find that book at your library? If not I will send you my copy.

I have to go shampoo my carpets...my allergies are driving me crazy...I'd rather be gardening!
Love to you,
Maggie