Feeling a bit chaotic...

I have been running back and forth to the orthodontist this morning...getting nothing real accomplished.
I did sit and try to draw fear...
but it was my attempt to draw what I had already described in words...
The assignment was to just draw the feeling and then go back, later, and write the words interpreting what I saw...
I will try again.

I wanted to ask you how your son and his family are doing? I have been thinking about them.

So are you asking if we should make this blog known to our family of origin?
My gut reaction is yes...get it out there...
but I then wonder...
if Mom has just started to share; would that drive her back into the mea culpa mode?
Can we hold off for another week or two to see if that goes anywhere?
Is that a legitimate concern, or is it a distraction/stalling technique?

I am stuck right now...feeling as if I am slipping into depression again...
I have noticed that after I ovulated this month I began to feel very negative, dark, overwhelmed...
this happened the first month I was on the anti-depressant as well...it cleared once my period started.
I have to discern if this is depression/monthly hormones/perimenopausal symptoms...
I just know that right now I feel chaotic and need to regroup.
I am pushing myself really hard to avoid contact with people...
I am cleaning, mowing, gardening, walking...you name it...
anything that gives me time alone, more control, and tires me out...
it's a weird way to handle depression...
most people slow down and stop moving...
I, paradoxically, drive myself forward...
busy-ness is my addiction.
I rarely do anything "by the book"...

This work is really hard...everything worth having is worth great effort...healing and peace will be worth the effort...I am grateful that you persevere with me along this path...it would be easy to ignore this blog..and just get busy...thanks for investing your time and energy into our journey. So, are you able to share when you turned your back on an agreement? How did you know?

About mysticism...I have been enthralled by mystics for years...
I found St John of the Cross and his Dark Night of the Soul...
that led me from one mystic to another...and to contemplation...meditation...
exploration of other religions/faith practices...and showed me that Catholicism no longer satisfied my spiritual cravings.
I craved Divine Intimacy and the Catholic church wanted me to fulfill obligations, follow Dogma and Tradition/tradition...stop thinking and obey...
so you are not to 'blame'...
I think that we are more alike than different and we have found our ways to similar Truths because of that...I love being your soul sister...

Maggie