balancing with good memories

There certainly is an advantage to being the oldest...you have retained and experienced so much more than I have. Thanks for sharing.

I love the 19th Birthday notes from the grandmothers...how utterly typical messages from each of them.
I forgot how many good memories I have from this family...thanks for the reminder. ..thanks for balancing all of this a bit.
Aunt MJ did get a tattoo, when her grandchildren turned 18 she got one with each. I believe that she has 2 at his point. I should have showed her mine, she would have been proud of me.

I know the familial classism sounds harsh...
but perhaps it was enough to spare the B sisters from the abuse...
perhaps they are OK...perhaps their families are intact because of it.

It reminded me of early on in my marriage...we were always warmly welcomed at the parents' house. We thought we were special...we could see the negativity of Mom and Dad towards the grandkids...but it wasn't directed at us...yet.
But, as soon as we had our own children...we became pains in the asses as well.
They had their favorite grandchildren...just like Grandma and Pop...S#4's eldest daughter was particularly beloved...she had a stroke at birth that left her with a deficit...she also lived fairly close so she could come and go without being in the way.

I always did have a sense of evil from Uncle B...I didn't see much of him either. He had a real soft spot for S#3 though. I remember her sitting on his lap and him laughing with her...I think he was rubbing his whiskers on her cheek or something like that. I think it made me jealous.

Such inconsistency in my memories...I wish I had a crystal and could just watch the past...fill in the blanks. That would probably be overwhelming though.

I am struck by Dad's reaction to a family member knowing about the suicide attempt...It is really sad.
I wonder what he would do if they found out that there has been more than one attempt...and drug addictions...and mental illness...and sexual abuse...He wouldn't want anyone to know about the real truth.
I wonder what the reaction would be?
When B#2 sent his message to Dad prior to the big birthday party...
"when you're 18 you're out of my house", some father you were (definately not a direct quote, but you know what I mean)...
there was no reply...only silence.
Even though the email went to Mom's list of family and friends...
everyone just looked the other way until it was forgotten...much like the abuse of Cousin L's daughter, and all of the other filth and garbage that we have been writing about.
It was forgotten until he made a serious attempt at ending his own life.
It is much like the response of our siblings to the abuse in our family of origin.
Let it die down for a while...Maggie will become discouraged or repentent and come back into the fold.
I think that's what Mom's phone call and emails were about...testing the waters...seeing if I was really still carrying on about all of this ugliness.
Well, we are speaking...and working hard ...and healing...and growing ever so slowly...but definately not repentent for speaking the truth.

My kids have the same reaction to B#1 and his wife...they would rather not see or hear from them...ever.

I love you,
Maggie