I did a strange thing last night. I used google maps (I love google maps...I can waste stupendous amounts of time examining the bridges of Florence, for instance. Or circling San Surplice.) to explore F-burg. Unfortunately the little man couldn't walk the streets, so I couldn't get a street level view, but it triggered memories. I remembered who lived in the various houses. Names from the past sprang into my memory. If stuff like that is stored in my mind, why can't I remember Spanish?
Then I found a photo of the abandoned church next door. It was bought by a congregation and is now an active church. If you look beyond the church, you can see the front porch of our house. I am going to try and post it here. It looks like the weeping willows are gone. I loved those trees. Perhaps it will trigger memories for you. My memories were both bad and good...
We did find a noose in the attic. It had been cut down, so just the loop end was lying on the floor. In my memory, the top part was still there on a rafter too. I never thought about the house being haunted, I was always more aware of the old graveyard next door. I thought all the spookiness came from there. What a place for kids to play! And yes, we did have seances there. We were very much under the spell of Dark Shadows. We used to watch that show after school each day. Since I was in charge, everyone got to park in front of the television for a little while. I don't remember ever making anyone go out and play. But there was something cold and creepy in the corner at the top of the stairs. Freaked me out every single night! I hated going to bed! And there was a stenciled message on the attic wall - the name of a painter, a year 1792 - and the town he lived in. I googled the name/town/year, but the only person who came up died before the late 1780's. The doorway to the attic was in the room Bs 3 and 4 shared. I think the closet you are remembering was in the adjacent room, on the wall shared with their room.
There were two doors to that house. The back door was in the center of a long back porch. When you came through that door, you were in the kitchen. After walking across the kitchen, if you looked left, you were looking into the TV room. The cellar door was on the wall, to the left, as you walked into the TV room. The cellar was very dark, and there was an old coal furnace right in the middle. And there was a coal bin on the alley side. It was dark and creepy down there - old with dirt walls maybe, or possibly stacked stone.
I did another strange thing. I worked with Fat, Dumb and Ugly. Fat is connected to my lower left ribs for some reason. Locating Fat caused pain there. I don't know why. I can't think of a reason. But I moved her. She was roly-poly, soft and squishy and sweet. Then I found Dumb on my right shoulder. Dumb seems to be more silly, goofy that stupid. Interestingly, she lives where a tiny Catholic nun shows up occasionally to tell me how bad I am. Did my inner-Catholic silence my silly self? I have learned to ignore the nun's voice. (The Catholic Church says - give us a child until they are 7, and we have them for life!) After a movement, I realized that the Fat and Dumb connection has been blocking my heart. Blocking or protecting - I wonder...I can't find Ugly. Ugly keeps her eyes down and won't look at anyone. I will find her and love her, though. And I didn't have time to check on my skeletal little tar baby self. Instead, I fell asleep.
All night I dreamed of wandering the streets of F-burg, I couldn't tell if I was awake or asleep.
As for the Skeleton Woman,. I don't think I have untangled the bones. I think I learned that if I move slowly, she just drags. The bones no longer fly around and give the appearance of chasing me. Maybe I have some unknotting to do!
I am getting quite the list here. 1. Find Ugly. 2. Check on my healing little girl self. 3. Untangle my bones from the net of pain and sorrow.
Big sisterly advice - Don't push your husband away. Just set your boundaries and ask for respect. Anything resembling pushing may panic him, because he was pushed out once. I have so much respect for you for being willing to reconcile. It took a lot of strength to end the marriage, but even more to say you'd be willing to try again.
I don't feel like I have been a constant presence for anyone in the family. There were years of no contact with much of anyone. We all do it...this may be the strongest pattern we are trying to overcome - to believe we matter to someone, to believe we are not alone, to believe we can reach out and someone will be there...But thank you for seeing me that way.
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