Continuing the walk

I just want to say that I never meant to insinuate that your actions with Tinya were wrong...
I cried all the way through that post yesterday and was so angry at having to give up what I loved...but not angry with you.
I remembered when you did take me to that barn and I remember how badly I felt walking away from her...glad that she has a safe home, but desperately wanting her for my own...

I went for a walk with the dog and cried...
I went back to the idea that I could/should have protected S#3 from the abuse...
felt guilty and angry about not speaking up and protecting her (and myself)...
I thought of the book Charlotte's Web...Fern had the courage to get between her father's ax and the runt pig...
why hadn't I found that kind of courage?
I just remained silenced.

I am crying again...why is this a window into my heart?

I saw ThunderBay this morning...he was charming, as always...
I hugged him and thanked him for never giving up on me...
he hugged back with his strong neck and gentle brown eyes...
he knows my heart and my story...
what a gift.

That dream will take some thought...
birds without a voice and self-mutilating is interpretable from all of this...
but the turtle? What's the significance of a turtle?
Is it their ability to curl up and protect themselves?...
to be impenetrable?...
or their slow and thoughtful processes and their living life on their own...
they are not tribal...they mate and move on...never seeing their offspring, or parents?
And what about the second marriage? How does it all fit together?
I am better at having dreams than interpreting them...
I have Freud's book on dream analysis...I will see if I can find something there.

So where were we in our walk through Mom's family, before my depression and dreams started to get in the way? We talked about the sisters...what do you remember about her brothers? And what do you remember about her aunts and uncles...there were spinsters and mental retardation...any insights?

I love you,
Maggie