Lots of thoughts. I didn't feel as much on the outside, because I feel the connection to you and S#3, and because I had two of my children and their families. That really helps. I liked the way your daughter stood guard for you! The other gift in my life was my best friend from college. We stayed with her on Saturday night, and so we were relaxed and at home. Her presence, her intelligence, her down-to-Earth, practical view of life has kept me grounded since we were 18. My kids see her as another aunt, and her kids as cousins. They have a historical connection, actually stronger than family.
Since we stayed overnight, we were invited to come and take things from the house. Because my grandchildren were fried, my friend and I got them settled in her house, then went back to Mom and Dad's. Everyone was there. I was overwhelmed again. I thought there would be a little quiet time. People were organizing and packing food, looking at stuff in the house, talking, watching something on the internet that Mom pulled up. Typical chaos. Mom handed me the list and there were names all over it. I was sort of stunned, and she said, "Didn't you know we were moving? Doesn't anyone read my Sunday evening emails?" I said I read them, and she mentioned thinking about going further south because of the winters. She told me that S#5 took over and found an apartment near her home, next to a church, across the street from the library, in a quiet neighborhood. They are going to look at it this week.
I just put the list down and wandered through the chaos.
At one quiet moment Dad said he was surprised by how enthusiastic mom was about moving. He was shocked by how fast she was getting rid of their stuff.
People started drifting out. I will admit that as I watched one brother taking things off the wall and moving them to the car, I had this selfish impulse of "I'll take that! Mine!" But I started laughing at myself and relaxed. It's funny to see that sibling rivalry lives forever. I mentioned my impulse to my friend later, and she said he would have given it to me. I knew that. I was more interested in my emotional response than the item.
I told Mom that I would like to take one thing for each of my children - something that would remind them of their grandparent's home. She kept offering stuff. I took some things. She said they'll have more as they prepare to actually move. Think very carefully about what you want. It is available if you want something. Mostly sibs were being practical. We have a niece who is trying to set up her own household. A lot of the furniture will go there. That is practical.
There was another layer going on at the same time. I don't think anyone knew but me and my children, but I'm going to spill. The week before the birthday party Mom sent me and email telling me that she and Dad would like to give me the house if I wanted it. I will say that I was very confused. I was wondering why and what strings would be attached. I wondered what I would do with it, because my absolute first thought was that I would not live far away from my grandchildren and my children - in that order! I want to be important to my grandchildren, and I want to be welcoming and supportive for my children in a way I have never known.
So, at the party I heard Mom tell someone, oh yeah - we sold the house. And Dad told my son, "We were going to give the house to your family, but we sold it in 3 days. Easiest sale I've ever had!" No one told me the offer was off, but I was relieved. My dilemma was over. And the money will be useful for them as they get settled somewhere new.
But I flashed back to our childhood. I don't know if you have the same strong sense as I do, but it seems Dad frequently told us we were going to do something or that something was going to happen. Then he changed his mind, it didn't happen and he would be furious with us for expecting it. I was repeatedly embarrassed as a child by telling friends that we were going to do something, then it didn't happen. I think I learned to be disappointed, in general. Do you have this same sense? So, with this offer, I only told one long distance friend - hoping for a balanced vision of what to do with a house. It just seemed that if the universe was offering such a large gift, I should consider it. But I felt really guilty. Why would Mom and Dad choose me? There are 9 of us. Shouldn't we share. I think that came from my - you go first - approach to life (Being Grandma!) and from wondering if everyone knows I am the family loser, and so I need the most help. I immediately thought of two other sibs who also need help - good indication of my emotional condition!!!
So, that's my account of the weekend. My other thought is that I saw some of the first photos. My eyes look less wary, a little more alive than ever before. I think that's because of the work we have been doing together, and the connection we have deepened. So, thank you!!
And I love you, and the offer/request still stands: If you would like to come help me entertain my foreign guests on the 27th and 28th, I would love to have you!
Clare
No comments:
Post a Comment