Questions

I understand the trepidation about going to family gatherings...
I got a phone call from B#4 yesterday, answering a home improvement question that I had, and asking if I was attending. I appreciate his interest but it brought on feelings of uncertainty. I don't know how to navigate this family that now cannot deny our difficult upbringing and yet still pretends all was well. I am uncomfortable with the pretending that must occur. I am not calling anyone out on the carpet during the gathering, but I also do not want to fall back in step with that pretense. I generally second guess attending family functions...and do it mostly out of an obligation rather than a real desire to see family. That sounds harsh, but it is true.
Why do we need to periodically check in with our biological family?
Why is this important to us?
Is it important to our sense of self or well being?

As for the questionnaire...I had a lot of questions swirling in my brain last week and now they escape me, but here is my general outline...
I think we should begin with the CDC's ACE survey which asks about events within the first eighteen years of life to identify the victim/survivor.
Those include: Physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, living with someone with mental illness, living with someone with substance abuse, living with someone with criminal activity or incarceration and if the parents were separated/divorced. There will be a place for comments elaborating on the yes answers if the person chooses to comment.
In addition we need to ask about other experiences of interpersonal violence...like sexual assault, robbery, physical assault, and bullying (verbal and physical). Again, we will have a comment section.
We then can have another section which identifies the perpetrators. We can ask similar questions but phrase them as actions the participant has used with/against others, including a comment section.
This should give us a good idea of patterns of victim/perpetrators. Then we should ask about motivations...to delineate those who survive abuse and develop an altruistic sense of protecting others and those who go on to perpetuate the cycle violence on others. This could be a very interesting comment section.
At the end of the survey we can offer an interview with anyone who would like to more fully share their story. We could ask for an email address if the person would like to be contacted.

How does that sound?
We can keep processing it and allow it to evolve.

Love and Light,
Maggie