'membering

When I got home, I was simply tired.  But I noticed I am eating without tasting.  That's a bad sign.  I'm blocking my feelings, numbing myself.

I was thinking about your accounts, and yes I remember similar incidences all through our childhood.  I suddenly had this impression of Dad as a spoiled child.  We all have to do what he wants to do, but he really doesn't know what he wants to do.  I can only remember him and Mom having one fight.  It was when I was in high school, and a guy he knew at the bar wanted to sell Dad his used stereo, and Dad wanted to buy it.  He told Mom and she pointed out that we could not afford it.  He stormed out, like a child who had been told "No!"  He did buy it and it never really worked, so it was a waste of money.  I don't know why I remember that, and why it has always been so symbolic of our life/their marriage to me.

I had an experience that i wanted to explore a little...But my daughter just pulled in the driveway with speakers blaring, so I think I'll get to it tomorrow...more time to think!!

Love you,

Clare