wild-life

Clare,

I spent most of yesterday in a quiet contemplation.
I walked, silently...
watched my kids surf, silently...
sat on the beach, silently...
I thought about the shame that isolates us...
I felt shame when my oldest reprimanded me for being an inadequate mother...
I isolated myself.
But after all of that silence, I chose to interact.
We ate dinner together,
We karyoked together and one of the friends who is along came out in a "morphsuit" and danced...
it was "pee your pants funny".

This morning I explained my confusion to my husband...
he tells me repeatedly that he wants me to smile and laugh more...
but obviously not too much that I appear out of control or drunk...
I'm not even drinking and he is uncomfortable!
I told him that sometimes it's not about him...
most of the time the silence is about me...processing my own issues and reactions.
I feel as if my world is a conglomerate of mixed messages.

Anyway...yesterday was a day of wildlife...
We saw a deer in one of the yards on our walk in the morning...
later in the morning the boys and their friends were surfing and a pod of dolphins swam near them...they passed within 10 yards of them and then cavorted a little further out...
In the evening we passed by two small red fox on the road...
Each time the animals were  not frightened and as curious as we were.
What a gift.

I want to spend some time today considering this birth...
A very fertile idea.

I am off to see what today holds...
I hope that you have a wonderful day,
I love you,
Maggie