Hmmmm...suffering is a choice...maybe on a spiritual level, but not here on the physical level. I feel like blaming the victim is a convenient way out for those who know they cause suffering and don't want to take responsibility. Sure, you got raped, tough luck, sorry it was you - but it's your choice if you suffer or not. No way. Pain causes suffering. And rape causes long-lasting pain on all levels. I am tired of someone/anyone to tell me to "Buck up, Buttercup" and deal with it. My suffering has changed since I stopped hiding what happened and feeling like it was my fault, but it is still a bruised place that I keep very guarded and protected. The effects linger, and I know I will never be the same as I was before I was attacked.
I know someone who has been struggling with cancer for years. She watched The Secret and was equally outraged. She is not responsible for her cancer. She did not genetically modify anything, pour poison on anything, pollute the air or water. She is the victim of what the powers that be have done to destroy both our species and the planet. Just as she is victim of her stepmother's abuse. Then they use religious thought to make us take title to their dastardly deeds. No way.
I will take responsibility for putting myself in an unprotected situation. I opened myself to attack. But I didn't want it, and didn't deserve it. And it wasn't about being attractive or sexy. It had noting to do with previous sexual activity. It was about being available and unprotected, plus living in a society where rapists are macho and to be applauded for nailing another cunt. It was all about violence with a penis as a weapon. It was about subjugation and humiliation and power.
And we are raped on every level every day. Rape is about power and disempowerment. Those with power get to use those they disempower. Every time they steal one of our rights (and rights, by definition, are inviolable - just as I had a right to my body, we all have rights that are violated daily) we are raped, and we suffer.
Suffering is only a choice when we live in a fair world, a world where our rights are protected. I have the right to walk alone at night. I have the right to have long hair. (My rapist liked my long hair...remember when I chopped it real short not long after high school - that's why!) I have the right to have breasts and to be cute. No one has the right to touch me or to threaten me. But we live in what may be the most violent society ever. I have read a few papers which show that violence is decreasing. But what has changed is our definition of and reaction to violence. We are inured, and so it's all okay!!
I don't think we can leave suffering behind. Nor do I think we should. What we do need to do is find each other and speak out. We will no longer be silent. We need to hold hands, comfort each other, rage and sing together. The healing comes from community. Maybe when the suffering is shared it lessens and we heal each other.
And the idea that we can release our own suffering creates a situation where we are working alone, again. It is not a place of community. We need community. We need each other. It's the only way through!
I have been thinking about sacrifice, wondering what it means. I was troubled until you said you were going to sacrifice your illusions. That feels right. I was reading an article in which someone defending meat-eating. She said, of course it involves some sacrifice as the animals is killed. But there is a flaw there. We can only sacrifice what is ours. We don't own the cows or the pigs. They are not ours to sacrifice.
I just had a flash to being young and complaining about something physical to Mom. She told me to offer it up. To suffer and offer my pain as a gift to god. How screwed up is that? God wants me to suffer? Suffering makes me holier? Then rape is a sacrament because it caused so much suffering. That makes Dad a holy priest as he abused his sons. This is scaring me, and this is why I had to leave the Catholic church and why I can't handle any mainstream religious rite.
You triggered some powerful emotion in me today!! Thank you!!
We will forgive. that is the only way to peace and wholeness - Helig. But we will never forget. George Santayana said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
My daughters have each pulled a knife on men intent on attacking them. Aren't they magnificent?
Aren't they beautiful warrioresses? Isn't it screwed up that they had to do that?
We will forgive with love and compassion, but we will not forget. We will not let it go and pretend it
didn't matter. "It" has become the way we define ourselves.
And once we rinsed ourselves clean, we will bear the scars as the beautiful adornment they are!
Yeah!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment