Scarlet R

Well, damn, I was on a roll, and writing a lot when my finger slipped and I lost my whole post.  So, I'll start again...

It is wonderful to hear you being so light and happy.  This vacation must have happened at exactly the right time.

I have also been reading about the PSU scandal, since I am an alumni.  I may be the only student who graduated from there without ever having attended a football game.  I hated the football culture of the school.  I was surprised when I read that Joe Paterno had helped cover up Sandusky's sexual attacks.  But then, I was not surprised at all when I read that Paterno protected the football program instead of young boys.  I wonder what would have happened if someone would have screamed STOP! at the first allegation of sexual abuse.  Instead they all formed a line like obedient little sheep and allowed one man to violate and destroy many young lives.  In cases of sexual abuse, one can never be on the fence.  One either says stop and speaks up for the voiceless, or one gives approval for the abuse to take place.  If someone, anyone, would have had the guts to speak, the school may have suffered temporary embarrassment, but that would have turned around quickly.  The one with courage would have become a hero, and the school would have been lauded for responsiveness.

In Al Anon I learned that I was born and bred to marry an alcoholic.  Mrs. Sandusky must have been born and bred to marry and protect a pedophile.  We only see what we want to see.  And Sandusky - he had to have been attacked and brutalized as a child.  That is the only way this could have happened.  But he is to blame.  Many abused people, when they realize they are hurting others, go for help rather that try to cover it up.

Al Anon is a secret place, where we protect each other's identities.  Child abuse can't be the same.  We need the "Me, too!" movement.  We need to come out of the shadows and heal each other's broken souls and bloody wounds.  We need to see how many other vibrant, strong, amazing people can say, "Me, too. It happened to me."  We have to take the shame away from the survivor.  We have nothing to be ashamed of.  Nothing.

I have fantasized about workshops with both rapists and those who have been sexually assaulted.  It would be like an Alternatives to Violence intensive.  By the end, both would have a chance to be human before the others.  God, we could start with our family.  But, realistically, it would probably be better to start with those who have no connection.  It would be a way for a rapist to prepare for facing what he has done, and to apologize for it.

There was another story about a 17 year old girl who was raped, and then the two rapists took pictures of her and shared them with their friends.  Under some sort of plea bargain she was forbidden to name them.  But she stood up and spoke truth to power.  She named them on Twitter and then challenged them to arrest her.  I started thinking about the novel, The Scarlet A - worn by women of course, to identify adulteresses.  I think men should wear Scarlet R's.  That way the women who know who to avoid.  We would know which males only perceive us as a piece of meat "to be done."

Oh, and I thought it was interesting that you were afraid of what was lurking beneath the water's surface.  Yet you braved those fears and allowed yourself to be embraced by the ocean, the most powerful ocean.  What a powerful moment!!