Illusion was the message

We were graceful!!!! I still laugh when I think of those movies.
My kids have had to watch it a few times and they moan and groan, but laugh while it is on.

What part of our childhood self remains???
I think, for me, the part that most remains is the part that was a "smart-allick".
I used to think the most impertinent, but funny retorts to some of the nonsense that was said and done in the house, and occasionally it would slip out.
It was the part of me that refused to buy into the family norms.
It was the part of me that woke up and said,"stop abusing me".
It was the part of me that felt that there really was something good deep down inside of me, despite the negative messages we were fed at home.
It was the part of me that participated in sports, plays and music despite the lack of support from home.
It was the part of me that boldly asked for financial assistance from my college and Med school despite our father's reluctance and resistance to asking for help from anyone.
It was the part of me that knew that I was smart enough to get through Med school, despite outside opinions.
It is the part of me that trusts my own Heart's Voice...
that small, quiet voice inside that directs when I allow it to...
It has never steered me wrong.

I remember B#1 once saying that he thought he would have been a good adolescent medicine physician...if he only believed that he could do it. He said something like, "if you made it through any of us could have"...and he was right...it was more about perseverance than brains...
I'm not saying that I'm not intelligent...we all have equal intelligence...
I was just the most determined...to escape through education.
I was driven to medicine to acquire Power, Prestige, and Prominence...
I wanted people to notice me...for what I was...not who I was mind you...
but I was going to be Dr. Maggie.

I came to realize that the 3 P's weren't as utopic as I imagined they would be...
so I walked away...
and became just me...
my kid's mom...
the arts and crafts lady at the parochial school...
the gifted advocate...
the soloist/music director at church...
the lady who adopts any horse/dog/cat  that needs her...
and the list goes on and on.
And now that I have surrendered success for significance
I find that I am still drawn to helping people...
but in a different way.
Now I want people to know me...
and see the real me...
and choose to like or dislike me being as authentic as I can be.

What did the ocean say to me?
Illusion...illusion...
I've used that word to describe our family of origin...
I was contemplating illusion as I watched the waves and the clouds in constant motion.
It is ever changing...un-capture-able energy, power and beauty.
Our lives are similarly illusions...
there is only present moment...
followed by present moment...
constantly in flux...
seemingly very real and tangible...
but it can't be touched or held onto...
it just passes like the clouds and the waves...
At best, it is experienced and appreciated in that moment.
So what does that say about the past?
It has certainly affected the present, just as previous pollution affects the oceans and air...
but can it truly control the present?
Only if we allow it to be our focus.
If we direct our attention to that...then we miss the beauty of the moment.

Compared to the ocean, the swamp is seemingly stagnant...
but it has to be fed from somewhere...
there has to be a source...
where clean water supplies it...
as we wade through this swamp, that's what I am searching for...
the source...the nidus...the birthplace.
The swamp is an ecosystem unto itself...and a fertile one at that.
It is going to feed us...and allow us to grow along the process.

You used the word 'inspire' yesterday or the day before...
I feel as if I am in a Divine Inspiration...
being pulled close to the center...being nourished and warmed and embraced...resting.
But I realize that the expiration follows an inspiration and I will inevitably be sent back out, away from the center...to share some of that loving energy with others...until I am depleted.
The cycle is continuous and complete...it is loving and beautiful...and natural.

I am heading back to the beach...
I hope that you have a glorious day.
Blessings until tomorrow,
Maggie