chronic suffering kills

I hit on something, and I didn't realize the power of it.

Suffering in isolation and silence is detrimental.

We suffer the shame that is created by the keeping of secrets.
But, I believe the goal or the point of the release of suffering is that the cause of the shame and suffering are opened up, dissected, discussed and dealt with...
in a supportive community, never in isolation.
That releases its power over us..we reclaim our lost pieces of soul.
All of that has nothing to do with a confessional and the sacrament of penance in catholicism.
We can choose to expend our energy hiding and pretending...
or we can release it and live in spite of the wounds/scars...
we don't forget...we live in the present.
We know joy because we know its opposite.

Suffering has nothing to do with who is/was responsible...
the victim is not responsible...it is about who is carrying the burden of secrecy....and shame.
I worry at times because I don't have the same strong, emotional reactions to these issues...
I wonder if I am still so numb that I can't feel the rush of indignation.
I am not a martyr...suffering in silence will kill you...that is why I/we are speaking/writing this blog.

I have found in my reading scientific studies that have powerfully linked maltreatment in childhood to a host of diseases and premature death. Abuse does change us at the genetic level, through a process called epigenetics. Chronic stress changes the physiology of the body in a significant way. It leads to cardiovascular, pulmonary, liver disease, cancer, mental health diseases, and others.
The big questions are;
Can those changes be reversed?
Is there resiliency to disease if we are supported after abuse/trauma?
Another, even bigger question is with all of the evidence (over 10 years worth), can we do something significant to prevent or decrease child abuse in all forms?
The diseased person didn't choose to develop the disease, but carrying the chronic stress associated with the abuse and its aftermath alters the cellular function and allow disease.
It makes me think of the principle of attachment...the Buddha taught detachment...
I believe that it is not only detachment from pleasurable experiences and people but also from painful ones as well.

What has happened to our society?
Men who appear strong and supportive as a way to manipulate intimacy?
If and when that doesn't happen they show their other side, which is meant to crush.
I really long to have an opposite sex relationship that is platonic, based upon mutual respect and support.
I honestly don't believe it is possible.
Maybe...in a longterm relationship.
Maybe that's the value of a marriage...you get through that physical stage and hopefully move on to deeper levels.
I have been told, by men, that sex is all that drives their relationships...
or at least where they invest their energy trying.
I want to be valued beyond my breasts and genitalia.
If men were truely confident, honest and open we would be asking them to be physically intimate...
that's attractive, that's sexy...
It makes me very sad that your daughters had to show weapons to protect themselves from sexual attack. Mine have never confided that to me, I wonder if it is their experience as well?

Why has violence and personal violation become commonplace in our world?

Shalom,
Maggie