drowning with the shroud

I did work with that Carolyn Myss book a few years back and identified the prostitute as one of my main archetypes...
that shook me to the core...what could that mean?
I shared it with my wise friend and she just smiled knowingly and said that she could see that. I still don't comprehend that archetype, perhaps I should go back and reread that book and try to understand from this perspective.
I just want to know if I'm a sacred prostitute or just a common one? (sorry, bad joke)

I had a very strong image in your response about the shroud in the swampland...
we will drown if we are carrying something so heavy as a shroud in the swamp...
we need to be naked, exposed, and vulnerable to get to the center of all of this.
It is really intimidating, no excruciating to imagine being that vulnerable...but it is what must happen.

This morning I was journaling about my history with S#3...
I tried to identify the patterns of our interactions throughout the years.
Our lives are interwoven.
I can identify patterns of behaviors in both of us.
My usual role is to rescue her in times of trouble.
She reaches out when she is about to go under and I throw her a lifeline.
I do this out of love...
but this morning I realized that I do it to make up for allowing her to be hurt...
for knowing things that she won't allow herself to know...
This where I get my Joan of Arc complex from.
But the patterns continue...is that normal?
Do we create our own version of normal?

Anyway...through the retrospective journaling I realize that I recreate these roles in my own life...
except I reverse the roles...
I struggle through as much garbage as I can physically and mentally stand...
then I ask for a lifeline...
usually from my husband...who is always grateful to help and be allowed to see the twisted workings of my psyche...
sometimes from a therapist...
rarely from a friend or family member...I don't want them to see my weaknesses
But, as soon as I get it under control again,
I close up, shut down...handle everything myself, once again.

I feel as if I had insight so that I can change this pattern...
but that requires exposure...and vulnerability...
the thought of that makes me really uncomfortable...
still the lesson is there to be learned....I can learn it now...
or it will resurface at a later time to be learned then.

One thought that I've had about your ability to remember so many details...
Remember how we postulated that this sexual abuse was a male to male transmission...
Did you ever consider that you might have been spared the sexual abuse because you were female...and that the boys were the targets who then subsequently perpetrated it on me and S#3??
You obviously weren't spared the other abuses...but maybe that would be enough that you don't have the memory lapses.
Whatever the reason, I am thankful that you have shared the memories and have filled in the blanks that my mind maintains.

Time to take on my day. I hope that you have a day with joy in it Wynn Helig.
I love you,
Maggie