OK, I'll agree

OK, Maggie,

I will go with that. Attention = attachment.  And you are right, we didn't get much - attention or attachment.  I probably got more than you, because I was an only...but only for less than one year. Then I got pushed aside, because I was the big girl. And B#2 was born before my second birthday.  By the time we got to you...everyone was stretched to the max, especially since we didn't live near family.

With B#4 and S#3, there was family around.  I think that helped. But I think what really helped was that we lived near family because Papa was stationed somewhere we couldn't go.  I remember relaxing when he was gone...

I am wondering what it feels like to receive attention after not getting any...

I was in a situation where I had to walk on eggshells. It was all deja-vu-ish in my brain.  Then I got it...it was Dad. We always monitored Dad's moods when we were little. I remember listening for the weight and cadence of his footsteps.  A certain walk meant he was going to be mean.  I  found lots of ways to avoid drawing his attention. Life was safer without it.

So what happens after we learn that we are better off without attention? What happens when we learn to make ourselves small and quiet...and as invisible as possible?

It is safer there...

Then, thinking about your young man, what happens when someone notices you.  Not only notices you, but is kind, and who sees your value.

Excruciating.

All of life's truths crumble, our safety nets rip and we are left naked and hanging, twisting in the wind.

I wonder if that is part of what is happening to him, part of the root of his behavior.

I got ridiculed for my good grades...I remember Dad telling me what he thought of me, more than once, in a statement beginning,  "For someone who's supposed to be so smart..." then he'd cut me with his witty zingers.

We don't know how to glory in attention, or even how to simply accept it, and maybe then to share that, and pay exquisite attention to others.  Yet we soulfully long for it.

Maybe this is the root of my feeling that life might just be better without a partner.

Cold and tired...but it's almost Friday!!

Love and hugs from Clare