attention = attachment

Clare,

When no one bothers to ooh and ah over your accomplishments…
you get the message of being unlikeable and unloveable.
We got minimal attention growing up…
at least by the time I came around. I remember when I would sing Mama would pay attention…
but Papa would get pissed off because he couldn't hear the TV.
I used to get some attention for my report cards…
over excelling for attention…
one of my best patterns in life.
We attach to those who attend to us…
hence our dysfunctional attachments within relationships.

The situation with the man's attention on the bus is kind of creepy…
it feels like it's too much too soon.
Even when we connect it doesn't have to be with someone's hand caressing my leg.
Very interesting.
I do agree with him though that you are beautiful.

I had an email exchange with my first love this week…
catalyzed by a dream he had…
he didn't disclose the plot…
just that I was in it.
He wanted to make sure I was ok.
I share some of the stress that's going on…
and shared the rejection insights.
He wrote, "That's funny, I never saw it as a rejection." (talking about my breaking up with him) to which I replied, "That is how I felt it."(talking about his distractions at college). I thanked him for being a part of my life's lessons and told him I value his friendship still. It felt good to able to finally share that with him. I'd explained it previously, but never that simplified.

We start with the family counselor tonight. Husband and I go for the first session. It should be interesting to get another perspective. She wants to understand our goals with the young man. I have to figure out how to articulate all of those…or simplify it to "love him".

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie