kinda

Hi Love,

You are learning...whatever happens is what is supposed to happen.  Relax and enjoy.  I think I have gotten somewhat good at this one.

Lots more where that came from, through. I 'spect there will be more and more lessons no matter how long I live.

When Mom told me Dad slept most of the day, I started to get the feeling that he was softening.  I have felt it over and over...that soft place between this side and the other, where it is possible to feel both.  Or maybe, possible to acknowledge both.  I think going through the process makes the transition easier.  Much easier than having a sudden trauma that knocks you out of earthly and into heavenly.

I started back to work today. It seemed like a very long day. But conversations were deep.

I am feeling...I am not sure what. I am feeling not central to anyone or anything.  I have these spells where I think that if I slipped away, no one would miss me.  I am not feeling vital.

What do I want? I don't know.  I kind of don't care.

This will pass.  Because at a deeper level, I am getting excited about spring. I am getting excited about getting chickens. I am playing with the idea of moving a garden and creating hot boxes against the garden wall for starting plants early and keeping greens growing through the winter.

I am sliding back into the enthusiasm for self-sufficency and homesteading that I had when I was young.

I promised my daughter a knitted gift for her work exchange by Thursday.  Gotta go get started...I agreed, because she just brought me very bulky yarn!

Love you, miss you,sending hugs...

Clare