last reminiscence, I think

Hi Maggie,

How was today?  I didn't mean that you were creating drama when you talked to Mom about your evolving spiritual beliefs.  I just would not have said anything, and in my mind, I would justify my silence by telling myself I am just avoiding drama.  I generally don't espouse my beliefs if it's not going to create a meaningful dialog with someone - a dialog that has the potential to change one or both of us.

I found some notes I wrote on the bus, on the way home.  I think this will be the last of my trip reflections.

I couldn't sleep the last night I was there. That was mostly because I was afraid I would miss the 4:15 am alarm, and miss my bus.  But I was also mourning leaving, and wishing I could have them here.  I was thinking about how much I love their mountains...but they're not home for me.  I was feeling how much I love my son and his wife and their kids and how much I wish I could be part of their everyday life all year long.  But then I am not near the kids here...torn, I am torn.

I was thinking about the things that stifle our lives, the beliefs we have that keep us stuck.  I started considering my body as a tool inside of, and to be used by, my spirit.  I started pulling out the thorns and jagged pieces that are stuck in my body...more being stuck, I see...I was wondering how we open ourselves to a long and healthy life, so we could leave the planet when we wanted to rather than when the tool was damaged beyond repair by disease or poison.

I started wondering if disease is a spiritual symptom.  Is a symptom of damage to self?  Of damage to the Earth?

The other topic I got lost in was timelessness.  While on the bus, while there, I lost sense of time.  But it was even more profound when we were in the forest. Those three days felt like more.  My son said that is one of his favorite parts about camping...

And lastly, of what I remember of that night...I was thinking about the 12 chakras, starting with feet.  I tried to figure out what they mean.

 so...
1. I am here - I am physical, Earthly
2. I can move, be flexible
3. I am integrated...maybe Earthly/Spiritual...I had the hardest time with this one...maybe this is where my current biggest problem lies.
4. I belong to a community
5. I have free will, physically
6. I am loved/loving/loveable
7. I speak/I communicate
8. I understand/I philosophize/I think/I reason
9. I am open to Spirit/I am here, spiritually
10. I can move, spritually
11. I have spiritual free will
12. I am love

Not sure, now as I rewrite...we'll see...

Love and hugs from Clare