Suicide isn't painless- for anyone

Clare,

Things are moving fast, my youngest will be moving out this weekend. He starts classes in one week. He is excited, but also realizing that he is going through a major change. He is really brave- most kids his age would be so afraid to leave their comfort zone and move into a Brave New World. I am glad that he is doing within driving distance, just in case he needs assistance.

My older son is doing well. I just had a talk with his school guidance counselor, we are setting up his return. I am so nervous about sending him back to the same environment, but, he has to choose to say no at some point. At least this way we will be here to help him if he asks. I have offered to find him an alternative school if he chooses to not return. But, it has to be his choice.

A friend of mine's husband committed suicide in May, she is blogging about it and I read her almost daily. She had such a set-back with Robin William's suicide yesterday. I see people almost every day who have attempted suicide, or fantasized about it….
Why do we devalue life so much?
How much pain and darkness is present that death is the best alternative?
What if we just gave life one more chance?

I try to talk about life and Light and moving towards the Light or shining Light into those dark corners.
I met a young woman yesterday who has had 3 attempts- each time saved by her parents. Her parents sat with her through the interview- at her request. They were, all 3, so loving, accepting and supportive of each other. It broke my heart that she was still that sad and dark. But, she is asking for help, and that's the first step.

I always thought that our siblings' suicide attempts were because they didn't feel they had any support, no one to turn to. If I were that depressed I certainly wouldn't go to one of our parents, you or S#3 maybe/probably. But, now I see that no matter how much love and support you have, you can still get that low that ending your life seems the best answer. I have to rethink this now. I am having a flash-back to singing "Suicide is Painless", the theme from MASH at a high school assembly, solo right now. Very strange. Suicide isn't painless- for anyone- too much collateral damage.

My older son had an awakening last week that was interesting, I don't remember if I wrote about this or not, but I think it's really deep and important. He has to cook everything on a steel cup over a fire, most of what they eat is starchy and sticky. So he realized that, if he cleans the cup right away it's easy. If he waits and lets the food build up it is like cement and is very difficult to get out. He was able to make the leap then to emotional honesty, particularly anger. If he learns to talk about it as it comes up he will have an easier time then if he lets it build up and gets "stuck". He is doing better. I am so happy for him.

Love and Light,
Maggie