Supermoon

We had a supermoon on my birthday eve.  It was supposed to make us more emotional than normal.  Maybe it was true (I prefer to think I am influenced by the universe) or maybe it was a suggestion I took to heart...

I've been processing this for days, still feeling logical and not emotional.

I walked out into the full moon, after dark.  The air was filled with the trilling of toads, thrilled by mating and letting the world know.  I felt so alone and lost and, as usual, I started crying - I do that a lot lately.  I ended up on the ground in a fetal position, wrapped around a young maple tree.  And I thought the box from my dreams was with me.  I looked inside and saw what looked like a child's skeleton painted thickly with tar, or lots of dried blood or something.  She, the child was frozen, also in the fetal position.  I picked her up and held her close.  Her eyes watched me, but there was no other sign of life.  I started to walk with her, and I could feel slashes of pain on my legs, my back, my butt.  And I heard and chanted, "Bad. Bad.  You're bad." for a long time.  I could not lose the chant.

Is this THE box, or something new?  I don't know.  But maybe I buried my bad self so I would never be unacceptable again.  The problem, logically is that Bad Clare is the part of me that is daring and not afraid to try something new, to be naughty or to explore the world.  Without Bad Clare I sit on the sidelines, being good, not hurting anyone - but not participating.

I carried the little one, and tried to get her to relax, to move a limb, but she is frozen.  I didn't know what to do, so I asked an angel to take her and bathe her with light.  I asked that she be healed and returned to me. 

So, I'm a little crazy, but maybe it's all real....