Family...genetics or deeper?

"I never thought of asking for forgiveness"...Have you ever turned that statement around?
That simple statement sums up so much.
You are clinging to the idea that you were "bad" or "at fault"... You were just a little girl.
I have never held you responsible for my memories...just as I don't hold the brothers responsible for the abuse.
We were all acting out learned behaviors to dissipate the pain, chaos and confusion that we lived with. They carry as much garbage/baggage as I do.
We were all misguided.

What I am having trouble accepting is the present...why this illusion of family continues to hold onto me. I want to just walk away. Say that they don't really matter to me at this stage of my life. Move on without ties. Remain receptive if they begin dialogue, but not count on it.
It is like Jesus when he asked; Who are my mother and brothers? And then gestured to those gathered around him and said that these are his family (Matthew 12; Mark 3). His family didn't believe in him at this point and so he left them and walked with others. By the end his mother and brother, James were supporters of his works.

So who is my family? Is it biology or a deeper connection?
Our younger sister (S#3) recently asked me what I was attempting to accomplish by writing and speaking the truth.
Did I really believe that I could reestablish the family?
Did I really want that?
I think that there is a part of me that wants to belong...to a family. But I refuse to continue with the charade of our family, as it functions now. I do feel a strong drive to continue to open up memory and experiences because it is the path to healing all of the pain.

After B#2's suicide attempt, when the siblings were inviting open communication...I believed them.
I thought that open communiation meant actually sharing the good, bad and ugly...
with people who support you, accept you, unconditionally.
I was a fool...they only wanted the nice, soft, comfortable news...like Mom's weekly email.
I am angry with them. Angry because they pretend that everything is fine...no mention of the suicide attempt in those family emails...no mention of anything REAL. I feel betrayed, outcast (except for your support)...orphaned. The cycle comes around again...being an orphan means I am free of their rules, morals, standards...it is a good thing.

Maggie