Lessons Learned by the Legacy of Lost Potential

I wish I would have known Grampa Smoke.

I imagine he was much like my daughter #2, too gifted and unusual to fit into any normal scenario...
Exceptionally high IQ, creative, and almost 6 feet tall.
She was designed to be obviously noticed.
I have witnessed and supported her through her struggles to find or create a place where she belongs. It is heart breaking to watch someone so incredibly talented and intelligent struggle.

In kindergarten, I found her catatonic, in fetal position in the basement because she couldn't understand or cope with the dynamics of the structured classroom.
I was devastated, but moved into action.

As she was growing and developing we stayed very fluid...changing her learning environment as she repeatedly surpassed the capacity of her present learning situation.
Public school, GIEP's, Cyber school, home school, Performing arts school, supplemental dance, music and acting lessons to feed her creativity...
At times feeling as if I was failing because of her lack of stability and perseverence.
(I turned to Thomas Edison's mother's example when I doubted).

But at age 18 she can speak up for herself, she refuses to blend in...
she is able identify when something isn't right
and MOST importantly make the necessary changes without feeling guily or as if she is a failure.
I am so proud of her. She is amazing! She is breathtaking! She is who I strive to be.
She is one of my heros.

I imagine that Grampa Smoke was much like her...
but raised in a time and perhaps with people who didn't acknowledge, accept, or value differences.
I imagine his spirit was broken, hidden in an interior box, and he was forced to conform.
The void may have led to his alcoholism.
I feel great compassion for his spirit...and his suffering.
I wish I could have had the opportunity to nurture and encourage his uniqueness. Let him explore his true potential. Encourage him to experiment and succeed or fail...Really Fly.
See his perfection. Be proud of him.

All of this I want for my own children...
and the gifts I offer to our parents, brothers, sisters and YOU.

Mom's IQ is very close to Daughter #2...her  brothers even higher.
When I talked to her about my marital separation she responded,
"I couldn't imagine not having spent my life with your Father".
That's the heart of the problem, she lost her ability to imagine possibilities.
This makes me very sad.

What are the lessons to be learned from all of this?
Can we, as a generation, learn from this legacy, or is it too late?
I refuse to give up...I refuse to put it off for one more generation.
This is my time...and I believe it is yours as well.

As for your memories...let them grow and flow organically.
We are making great progress.
We are healing through this dialogue.
I am so amazed by you and grateful to you for your willingness to help me, and in turn help yourself, through this dark night of the soul.
Dawn is almost here.

Please don't forget to sing to your "bad Clare"...young children respond to song...
she will make you whole and you will realize that "bad" is really just truely human and fully alive.

I love You,
Maggie