The best they were capable of...under the circumstances

Ok, First a point for clarification...What is Saami heritage? I have never heard that term before.

Second; what we are writing is our memories...our experiences and our interpretations of those. None of what we are doing is intended to hurt or cast guilt onto anyone. We all, over many generations, are a product of our environment.
Don't allow fear to dictate what or how you write, interpret or remember.
Fear is our own creation...perhaps a self-preservation tool...but we created it.

Several years ago, when I sent a letter to the family members..."I forgive you...will you forgive me too"...I wrote something that has colored my interpretation of all of our family members since that time.
 I wrote that; Although life was not perfect, I appreciate that Mom and Dad did the best that they were capable of under the circumstances. At least you didn't run away.
That statement holds true, and carries even more relevance in the Light of our conversations.

I remember Grammy feeling very safe as well. She always embraced us when she saw us. My image of her is the photograph of her, at Aunt J's table, with a blob of butter on her nose, mouth wide open in full faced happiness.
I remember, at her funeral, people remarking that she was a saint. I believed that.
I wonder how much she suffered with her life and circumstances?

I remember the feeling of pervasive sadness from our other Grandma.
She was never joyful, always worried, full of care.
I always wanted to ask her what made her so melancholy...but never took the opportunity.
She once taught me some swedish...in fact I still remember a prayer that she taught me.
Funny, at her funeral, I recited the prayer for Mom. Daughter #1 (who was very verbal, but very young) learned it the first time she heard it. She amazed everyone by reciting it for others after one hearing. She only messed up one line...It goes something like (this is phonetic)
....Vartchu veeger, alla vender, verma goo, deender ender...Amen
Well Daughter #1 changed it to...vartchu veeger, alla vender, Grandma's good, deender ender...Amen

Loving the family is why we are telling the stories...
releasing the power of the "dirty little secrets" that bind us together in silence and illusion.
These are the ropes and threads that hold us back (St John of the Cross).
It is in the truth that we can begin to live, release the bondage.
This work is a gift, a grace, a blessing...for the rest, when they are able to journey here.

I love you,
Maggie