Inspiration

Clare,
Thanks for the insights...I will try to hold onto those ideas.

I still feel, deep down, that it's us against them.
A few weeks ago there was a picture on facebook of sister's #3 and 5 at a retreat, smiling, relaxed.
I felt betrayed...this sounds so 'middleschool'.
Sister #3 offered me support when I needed it..in fact she told me that not only would she 'journey with me...but also carry the bags for me'...then silence.
Then no further communications, no checking in, no quick text, nothing.
Just a smiling face on facebook with sister #5.
Then the parents, sisters #3 and 5 all gather with brother #2 to celebrate his birthday...no invitations to join.
I have heard nothing from the parents or siblings.
I keep forgetting, "I talk too much"

It is time to be an adult...to stop hoping for the impossible.
About 6 years ago one of my husband's nephew's was killed in a car accident at age 19. The family rallied, I felt closer to them than ever before during that extended weekend (for the funeral). As soon as everyone packed up and went home, the emotions and the closeness got packed away as well. Maybe it's not just our family...maybe it is all around us, and people are just good actors.

Logically I know that we are each on separate journeys, with paths that cross at various moments in time, but I hate separateness.
I long to belong.
I think that's a metaphor for our human journey. We separate from the collective, universal soul or energy, from the divine at our incarnation and then spend a lifetime searching for ways to reconnect.
Longing to be 'home' again.

I have sat with the word 'inspiration' for many days, at many times over the past several years.
In spirit...inspiration
creativity...inspiration
it's the 'thought' of  the trinity; Thought...Word...Action
But physiologically it is a vital part of life...to draw air into our lungs...bring in oxygen...transfer the carbon dioxide out.
It has it's equal but opposite counterpart...expiration...the carbon dioxide feeds the plants which give us oxygen...interdependence of the biosphere.

In my imagination I can see the divine as a vital, living energy, infinite...
inspiring us...drawing us close to it's center...feeding, nourishing, warming, reinvigorating.
expiring us...sending us out, to seek, to learn...to long for the next inspiration, when we will be pulled into the center again.

I feel as if I have gone off topic...but this is where my head and heart are today.
I begin a new course this evening...Social Work Perspectives on Trauma...one of the books, Trauma Transformed; An Empowerment Response might be especially useful to us and to our understanding. I will keep you posted.

I love you,
Maggie