poor me...

Clare,

I'm not sure what is going on inside of me. I was struggling with anxious moments at work today. I believe it is because my coworker has an event next week that she is 'manic' over...
and it is bleeding into my psyche...
but I am uncomfortable.
Each month I had veto calculate how I spent my work hours...
I hate doing this...
today was that day.
I tried to calculate them...
while my coworker asked me incessant questions...
and I missed some hours in my report.
She made a point of declaring it was wrong at an executive board meeting...
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to say, well leave me alone when I'm working on this stuff...
or, don't you know my brain is still fried from 2 funerals last week...
or Take this job and shove it!
But I just sat and decided to recheck them after she left for the day.
I don't get paid enough to be harassed about documenting my hours...
and I'm responsible for finding the funding for my projects anyway!
I hate fundraising.
I'm not sure if I should even be doing this work...
I love creating project and teaching classes...
I don't like the fundraising.

I'm in a 'poor me' mood.

I feel exhausted.
I have pain in my axilla...
it's getting worse over the past 2 months or so...
my surgeon thinks it's a neuroma from the site of a lymph node that was removed...
my surgeon says massage it...
that makes it ache more.
It wakes me at night when I roll over.
Between the hot flashes and this pain I'm awake intermittently through the night.
Anyway...
my goal is to be in bed early tonight to catch up on my sleep.

Sleep well Beautiful sister.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie