Ok. It's a go. We let S#3 know, give her some time, then tell the others in one family email. I just mowed my lawn for about two and a half hours. Walking in circles does give me time to think. I read a lot of our writings from the beginning into early June last night - before exhaustion set in. Parts of it had me in tears again. But we are not mean. We are careful and respectful, well except maybe of ourselves.
Our disclaimer should also remind everyone that these are our stories, our recollections, our impressions. Others may have another view, another interpretation - which is great. We all need to remember we are each entitled to our stories. That all of our stories together will bring us as close as possible to the full reality. I think we are all adult enough and separate enough to be respectful. (I think I am reminding myself, most of all!)
In rereading last night I saw a post from mid to late May where you had a dream of floating in the ocean, of being afraid of what could grab at you from below. Then a week ago, you lived the exact same moment in waking life. I liked that turn of the cycle - bringing the dreamtime images through. It seems important.
The other thing I noticed is that my released little girl is playing - physically stretching, but she is still skittish. She is experiencing freedom of movement, of dancing in the grass, among the flowers. But people make her wary. She doesn't trust. Maybe she fears being wounded and put back in the box, all bloodied, and allowed to dessicate until she is not even a memory...(Is this the wounded self that keeps me separate from people? Expecting the worst?)
What do I anticipate when I get out west? I expect to find an exceptionally busy, stressed family. I expect some cracks to occur, and I pray that spirit gives me an opening to share what I have been through and what I have understood. I want them to know, "Me, too." They are not bad, even though the probably feel bad. They are in pain and trying to release the pressure when the agony gets to be too much. We'll see what happens, but the blog has prepared me for recognizing family patterns. I think I am strong enough and confident enough to see them both with love and compassion.
My local grandkids are saying, "No fair. They get you for a whole month." I find I like being prized!
We took our little ones to our little town fair last weekend. My littlest guy, my grandson, was big enough to ride in the cars - go round in circles and wave. He seemed to like being on the red motorcycle the most. It triggered a memory. My family was at the little fair near Mom's, and she and I were there with my kids. My oldest may have been 4 or 5. My oldest son, who is two years younger, wanted to go in the cars - just like my grandson. He was so serious and intent. He kept both hands on the wheel, eyes ahead, watching for traffic. He did not look or wave at me or Mom. When he got off Mom asked him if he liked the ride. Big smile, "Yeah, I loved it!"
I'm making all the preparations one makes before leaving. Cleaning the house, catching up on laundry, packing clothes, getting the animals ready. A friend of my youngest's will house sit. He knows the animals well, and has a gentle nature. The last time I went west for a month, my beloved border collie died. This time, my last dog, my ancient cocker spaniel is getting very old. Will she still be here when I get home?
Love from Halig
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