I have been having a weird reaction to the shooting. I feel lost, like I can't feel. I was trying to figure out why and I remembered breaking down in tears at work a few times while discussing the wars in the mid-east. I have seen the pictures - I have taken time to look at the children with severe birth defects, with childhood cancers, because of our depleted uranium. I have looked at the pictures of dead children - dead because of our drones. We kill babies every day and it rips my soul. I feel shredded. And we are not supposed to notice. We are not supposed to cry. I have turned off that mental zone, shrouded that sobbing soul. Then today, I see the articles about kindergarteners, babies - 5 is such a sweet year - and I can't find my tears.
And I started to realize I can't differentiate between their babies and our babies. I am not allowed to cry for children...I should cry for children...I can only cry for our children...no tears for their children. I can't do it. I feel like I am going crazy. I am churning in turmoil. I feel like I could cry forever.
And I do not want to hear any words from President Obama. He allows the drones to continue slaughtering babies and their families every day. If children are expendable, they are expendable. If he truly values children, the drones will stop, the fighting will stop. I feel like I could weep blood and bleed tears. I feel overwhelmed and overwrought and just plain exhausted.
And the mamas...the mamas with holes in their hearts and in their souls that will never heal...
Are there two books? One a graphic dissection of the abusive situation my child just experienced? And one of your new theory? Or do they coalesce? We will have a press!!
Maybe we start by telling our stories, and making abuse and it's long term effects palpable. Then you explain your theory and we work from there.
I love you...Clare
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