Should've, could've, would've

Clair,

We each took care of ourselves, because - well, who else was going to do it?

Did we take care of each other?
I believe that we did to an extent...
but I also remember being very lonely and very afraid to ask for any assistance...
I have told people, "I wasn't allowed to cry as a child" I believe that may be a partial mis-statement...
I don't think that anyone cared when I cried and I learned to not waste the tears...
I can remember clearly one day sitting on the steps on Forge Road and screaming until it hurt my throat because B#2 was doing something that tormented me...
I screamed until I couldn't scream anymore...and I can't remember anyone responding...
I guess it wasn't noticeable...
I must have been silent and invisible...
not worthy of attention...
sorry...I didn't mean to be sad, but that is the image that I recalled when I read that sentence.

You are right...I do take care of everyone...isn't that what we were taught?
To be successful I had to be self-sufficient...
need nothing and offer everything positive that I have...
hiding the shadows of my personality so that I wouldn't be seen as negative...
even though I believed that I was garbage anyway.

So I hadn't considered the Choice Theory to include pre-conceptual/pre-incarnation choices. I guess I could understand it better if I understood it from that perspective. I frequently tell my kids, when they complain about my conservative parenting, that they chose me so they have no reason to complain...they just roll their eyes at me.
I do believe that we incarnate where and when we learn the lessons that we need to learn. I am convinced that this lifetime is teaching me patience and trust, among other lessons.
What do you think is your great lesson of this incarnation?

I was speaking with a friend today, whose daughter is separating from her husband.
She's only 18 and has 2 children, no education, and no means to support herself.
I began talking with daughter #2 about this and, more universally, why do many women feel that early pregnancy is an answer to their insecurities regarding their life's challenges? Do we not teach them of their inherent power and value?
I see this pattern played out, time and time again...
A young woman with dreams, aspirations and goals...
goals that are challenging and will take time, commitment and discipline...
she make plans and talk about success and what their life will be like...
and then somewhere between fantasizing, planning and implementing..
fear sets in...
she begins to doubt her abilities, and if she is worthy of success, and then, why should she do better than her mother or sisters or friends?
and then some man pays attention and compliments her...
and then pulls her in...partly because she wants him to...
and soon more doubts rise about her ability to achieve success and independence...
and inevitably she gets pregnant...and chooses service to the man and her child...
over her own fulfillment...
not that motherhood isn't a wonderful path...
but it shouldn't be an escape route to avoid self-discovery and self-challenge...
which holds the potential of failure...but also with the potential of success.
Why do we as women continue to repeat this cycle?

It makes me sad to see the wasted potential...
the frustrated middle aged women who realize that they sold themselves short...
and who are haunted by, "should've, could've, would've".
Do men experience this or a similar pattern?

But perhaps that is part of our pre-incarnation choice...
Perhaps I am projecting my own biases and conceptualizations of what success means.
I have been known to do that before.

I am so grateful that I have you to write and share and ruminate to and with...
You are a blessing and grace in my life...
Maggie