Joy!

I love that song.  I usually play it on Christmas.  When I wrote for the paper, my editor would publish the lyrics in the Christmas edition every year.

It has been a long day.  I was up early, cleaning.  Went shopping with my oldest.  Cooked.  Everyone was here for dinner - I love it when my house is full of laughter and noise.  Then I had to clean up, prep foods for tomorrow - and in classic tradition - finish the last project on the needles.  I knitted a pair of slippers for my granddaughter.  I'm done.  It's quiet. It's snowing and in 5 minutes, it will be Christmas.  Merry Christmas little sister!  I hope yours is beautiful.

I had one of those twisting thoughts, and I am not sure I can make sense of it.  But I was thinking about my wanting to be part of the family, even though it's a tenuous relationship compared to you who prefers a break for your own sanity.  Then I was thinking about your history of staying in relationships compared to me.  I had a talk with someone whose marriage is ending this week, discussing options - including living/working in another country.  I considered that I don't mind being alone.  I don't mind going places alone.  The person I was talking to noted that he does not like not having someone with him.

Just before my 50th birthday, a favorite musician came to perform.  I went by myself.  A few people thought I was sad or crazy, a few offered to go with me.  None of them LOVE this guy.  I didn't want to sit and worry that those with me were tolerating the performance for my sake.  I was so content to be alone and to relax and love the concert.

I wonder if maybe you are more like the guy I was talking to - you prefer to have companions.  And since I don't care one way or the other, I am more content in our family...Just a strange thought...

But you are right.  We are connected because we are both part of the collective conscious.  And maybe that is what family is supposed to model for us, so we can find and recognize that collective humanity.  Instead, we hide...we are afraid...

I am glad that I have made you happy this year.  I have loved doing this with you.  Some days I check over and over, wondering what you are going to have to share with me.  I have been so excited by some of what has emerged.  We were connected as kids.  I am glad we reconnected as adults. 

May you have the gifts of peace and of wisdom and of joy.  You have my love and gratitude.

Joy!

Clare