No smell...

I am feeling funky - sort of off.  I can't tell if I'm sick, getting sick, getting over sick.  I think I am getting waves of what is going around, and never quite recovering from one before the next hits.  The weirdest thing is that I can not smell.  I miss the sensation.  It makes me think about numbness.  I use my addiction to numb, so I don't have to feel.  I have lived this way for so long, that I don't know what I am missing.

But I know scent, I love fragrances.  I know herbs by their smell.  I get lost in the smell of earth in the spring.  I feel alive.  Homemade bread loses everything without the aroma warmly filling the house.

But I am also missing the clues for when it's time to change the cat box or the water filter.  And my daughter, the one with the super-sensitive pregnancy nose, has been reminding me it's time to clean the dog's teeth again.

I wonder what other impressions and messages and glories I am missing because I have turned off my senses in order to not feel the pain from childhood.

My life feels flat and boring without the sense of smell.  I wonder...I wonder how much flatter it is than it should be because of those other numbed sensations...

Night...Clare