We made it through...we survived Christmas once again. With the little kids, there were moments of magic. And with my big kids there were moments of grace.
My friend's dog is here for the holidays. She often stays when my friend travels. I just had her and my dog out for an afternoon stroll and it is perfectly silent out there...and now, just now, the snow has begun to fall. We are supposed to get a lot of snow by tomorrow afternoon. Already I wonder - will it be packy snow for snowmen, or fly away snow for other activities. Sometimes I wish I had snow shoes or cross country skis. We do have sleds, and there are grandchildren, and so life continues to delight!
My pregnant daughter, enduring the rage of hormones all mamas know, had an emotional breakdown on Christmas Eve. Outwardly, it was about her clothes not fitting right. I even pregifted her with a new maternity top so she would have something new to wear. But she still cried. The real issue is her changing body and changing role. She has been the same size since she was 14, and getting bigger in a society that grades women on appearance is tough. And not being able to party with friends, especially when the father can really hurts...there is an isolation she did not know before.
So she went off on me. I know children do that in a time and with a person who makes them feel safe. But I worked 20 days in a row, then rushed to prepare Christmas. I went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and saw Grandma's face looking back at me. I looked tired, enduring, emotionless...I sent up a silent question wondering who made her feel this way, look this way. That was a truly family Christmas moment.
She apologized. I talked about her more adult role, and she had to be careful how she used me. I can be a sympathetic ear, a shoulder - but I really don't want to be the garbage can.
I have been getting an impulse to start running. I have been dreaming about running. I have not run since before I had my oldest baby. I know I can walk six or more miles. Well, except that I went to work with my oldest daughter because she had some chores to do on Christmas Eve. Walking across campus with her alerted me to the fact that I stroll! So I can stroll six miles or more...I don't know if I can run anymore. I don;t know if my knees can take it. I don't know where this impulse is coming from, but it's getting annoyingly loud. When I was in college I ran two miles a day four or five times a week, and I did a four mile loop once a week. I could run, but even then I was not an impressive athlete!
It feels like a leading...I wonder if I can get past reluctance to follow...
How was your Christmas? Did you receive any great surprises??
I love you...see you soon here in blogland, I hope!!
Clare
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