7 Caring Habits

Oh my God...
we have allowed ourselves to become veal...
at least our babies...does that make them vulnerable delicacies?

the patterns repeat and repeat...
but we fail to make the connections.
When are we humans going to wake up?

So connection on multiple levels is the key to our actualization...
We need to build trust and interdependence...
William Glasser developed a behavioral theory called the Choice Theory...
although I disagree that our destiny is dependent soley upon our choices (some is inherited and some is trauma related), I love his 'habits'. He proposed 7 caring habits and 7 deadly habits.
First the caring habits...
supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating differences
Then the deadly habits...
blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, bribing or rewarding in order to control

He also felt that genetically we are driven to satisfy 5 basic needs...
survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun

So if you pair this with Jung, the interactions that promote belonging and connection are obviously the caring habits. The deadly habits are abusive and neglectful...and literally are deadly when you look at the research on stress and abuse.

By connecting with self and others we fulfill our instinctual drive to belong to community.
We all just want to be important to someone...to matter to someone...that's simply a basic longing.

Caroline Myss wrote about the symbols of different spiritual practices...
In Anatomy of the Spirit she compared the chakras, Christian sacraments and the Jewish Tree of Life. The journey begins with connection to the earth, then family, then self, then an intimate partner, and ultimately to the divine...but it's all about relationship...creating and nurturing increasingly mature relationships and personal responsibility.
When a person is abused or traumatized at an early stage, they get stuck at that level...and then must go back and pick up the fragments left behind in order to proceed.

I was lost early on...
I didn't develop trust, I couldn't depend upon my family, I failed to successfully maneuver that second level...so I spent years pretending in relationships...failing to authentically love and trust others...failing to feel the emotions necessary to truly love.

I have spent the past several years excavating those buried fragments, trying to reconstruct my wholeness...
Unfortunately I was also responsible for 4 children and a husband during the same time and so the facade that I had built to disguise the emptiness had to shatter before I could rebuild...
I am finally finding myself within my life...
and intimate relationships...
hopefully soon I will be able to move even further along the journey.

I will get to evolution the next time that I blog...
The concepts do fit into this very well.

Love and blessings,
Maggie