Trees

I read the Tree of Life info, and bookmarked the page so I can go back when I have time.  The weird thing is that I had a dream about trees last night.  I was walking with a friend in a village near here - he actually lives there.  I looked up at the trees and noticed that instead of leaves, they had raw chicken legs.  I don't even know where to begin!  Our conversation was typical of what we would talk about during waking life.

I also see the family tree.  In that image, I get to be the trunk connected to both roots and limbs.  I like that I am the connector.

Whenever I am in a relationship I am very monogamous.  And I wait a long time between relationships - this was even back when I was actively dating.  I let one relationship end before I began another.  One of my dearest friends is never monogamous, and those involved with her know this, so it is not a moral problem.  It is simply another way of exploring relationships and sexuality.  We had a very long talk one day and realized that although we started at opposite sides of the spectrum, we came to the same conclusions about intimacy, fear of intimacy, becoming vulnerable if we want real connection.

Kind of reminded me of you staying in relationships and me being afraid to go into one.  We are exploring trust and vulnerability issues from opposite sides of the spectrum.  One way or the other, we learn!  And all ways are viable - as long as everyone knows what is going on and no one is being emotionally eviscerated.

The Amish do have a culture of community.  People who belong, seem to belong absolutely.  They know where they belong, who to turn to.  I think that communal joy and power and attachment gave them the strength to truly mourn and forgive.  Blaming, anger, victimhood are not really mourning.  Feeling the pain and the loss - that is mourning.  We do anything to avoid feeling this raw.  And so we fight about whether guns are good or not.

I can't to hear the responses to your letter.  Please share as soon as it happens.

I do want to write.  There is so much I have to say.  I need the gift of time!  After the holidays...I hope!

I am working until Saturday afternoon.  Then I hope to put up a tree, and bake cookies.  I'm squishing Christmas in.  Someday, maybe we'll celebrate!

Just another part of your question - Why are we so determined to be one of a kind rugged individualists, then so afraid of having everyone notice for being unique and successfull?  I notice fear of success as quite an ingrained family pattern, even with in-laws...I know I am afraid of success.  Once I thought that if I am really a good, wise, successful person, then Dad lied.  If he lied about that, what else did he lie about...and so I never succeed, never shine - because it could prove my whole existence is a sham.  You know?

I will admit this - I listened to a lecture by a Mayan about what will happen this week.  He said we will be in direct line with the center of the galaxy for 8 minutes, but that it would be like a full moon, where we notice and feel the effects for three days.  He said we should expect to be inspired. His recommendation was to carry a pen and notebook everywhere from December 21 - 23, and write down all the inspired thoughts.  Afterwards - act on them!  I plan to do this.  I feel a little gullible and silly, but I am still going to do this!!

Time for dinner...love to you and your family...

...Clare