Seeing patterns in my behavior

I didn't consider the children of war...
what an incredibly sad truth...
I agree we are so confused that we don't know if we are bleeding tears or weeping blood...
or both simultaneously.

I feel as if connection is the key to all of this madness...
if we connect...
if we belong to each other (as Mother Theresa said) then we value and nurture each other...
without those we are reduced to objects...
valued by a few...or perhaps no one.

I believe that the stories are the place to begin.
I believe that the stories are universal...
unfortunately not unique in our society...
but will create that connection to others...
the first step is to establish trust as best we can...
Then dig deep into meanings and motivations and try to explain it.
What do you think?

Today I had a conversation with the friend that I mentioned last week...
the one whose daughter is separating...
we talked about how difficult it is to be raised a woman...
taught by society to depend upon a man for value and support...legitimacy.
After the conversation I realized that I too sought 'protection' throughout my life.
Despite being intelligent and capable of supporting myself, I did not give myself an opportunity to make it on my own...
I jumped from my first love to another who turned out to be my husband within several months.
Years later, I separated from my husband and began to date another within a few months.
I made myself a promise of one year without a man...
within a few months I reached out to reconcile with my husband.
So...how do I/we break this cycle?
How do we teach and model healthy relationships and the benefits of not constantly being in a relationship?
Why do I, a survivor of abuse and molestation at the hands of males, seek that companionship?
Is it the instinctual drive for connection...or the fear of being alone?
I have role models...
I know women who have lived without a man for many years...
quite happily and successfully...
why didn't I give myself that opportunity? 
I will have to consider all of that...

I sang today...it was freeing.
I felt lighter than I have in a very long time.

Love and blessings,
Maggie