Womb Memories

The hurricane has hit!  It is wild outside...wind, heavy rain.  It is now so dark that I can't see what is happening.  But I can hear it.

I listened to an hour long workshop with a woman named DeAnna L'am today.  She was talking about reclaiming the women's mysteries, especially concerning menstruation.  She said a few things that hit home, and I wanted to share with you...whenever you return from the storm...

She talked a lot about the shame of menstruation and female sexuality and contended that the mother's attitude affects the daughter's.  Once the mother has come to a healthier place, a healthier attitude, the daughter will too.  So she asked women to remember their first menses, the way they were welcomed to womanhood.  And what I thought was that when girls are used as a sexual object at a young age - that is their welcome to womanhood.  How do we fix that?  How do we go back there.  (I know sex and sexuality are gifts, but I still feel bad, because of the lessons we learned in our home.  And when I started bleeding the first time, I didn't tell anyone.  I didn't think it mattered to anyone but me.)

She challenged everyone to go to a time when we felt free and easy in our bodies, when we felt joyous.  Mostly I don't have those memories.  Mostly I remember being fearful and elusive, wanting to be invisible.  But then I had a flash of memory.  I was 7 years old, it was summer, late afternoon, we lived in K. and all the neighborhood kids were together, having races.  I used to hate racing.  I ran half-heartedly.  But for some reason that day, I ran.  I felt what it was like to be in my body, to move fast, to contact the Earth, to just run.  I have never felt that freedom since, although I have wished for it many times.  But I think I don't trust enough to go there.

After DeAnna spoke she asked for questions.  The very first woman spoke of infant sexual abuse.  I had tears running down my face as I listened to her.  Because DeAnna had told us that the girl who became woman is sitting in the cellar of our consciousness, and she is the last piece of our jigsaw puzzle - as we claim our wild and beautiful selves.  She wants to lead women to grieve and cleanse all those emotions that have been there all these years...but what happened to infants?  What is there never was a time?  De Anna suggested returning to the womb, to a time when we felt safe. 

What she started with was very beautiful.  She wants to revive our heart and womb memories.

So this is what I will be thinking about tonight as I lie in bed and listen to the wind howl around my house.  I will also be thinking of my children and their children and my loved ones - human, furry or even leafed - and sending us all Light.

I hope you and yours are safe and comfortable.  With love, Clare