Surrender???????

Hello Lovely,

I really appreciated your story about Grammy.  I am sure it happened.  I know she has been around me from time to time offering support and guidance and love.  I do wish we knew what they know over there on their side of the veil - or at least some pertinent bits and pieces.  And I don't know if there is anyway to control the contact.  It just seems random and sporadic, and like it only happens when totally unexpected.  But this is why I sort of, tongue-in-cheek, suggested we go to a Christian Spiritualist village last summer.  There is a famous one I know of.  S#3 and I have visited, and nothing Earth-shattering occurred.  But we didn't ask for specific help, nor seek out any of the mediums.  I have had some profound moments while there at various times in the past.
 
you have to dare to drop your defenses and be seen...to see you must first be seen.

Your line reminded me of being at war.  Are we at war with ourselves?  Are we fighting to know ourselves and our truths, or are we fighting to avoid knowing?  The image I suddenly had was of waving a big ol' surrender flag.  When you surrender, you have to step out and be seen, and trust the enemy to respect you and not massacre you.  Are we getting close to surrender?  Are we close to laying down our weapons?  My weapons are of retreat or ignoring that which I don't want to see.  My weapon is also sarcasm.  My weapon is personal poverty - what an effective way to avoid the world!

Maybe we should visualize ourselves standing in the swamp with a bouquet of flowers in one hand, and surrender flag in the other...and I must remind myself - in order to surrender, first we must throw down our weapons...

Tried to get under/through the swamp again.  Instead, I got flashes.  I had a sense of being birthed into bright lights, and feeling passive...of being very young and in a crib/bed and waiting...of waiting to be fed...I had this passing series of event/images and in every one I was passively waiting for something...maybe, something real.  Sometimes I feel like a watcher.  My job is to observe, to note, but not to participate.  Sometimes I feel like I am not quite real.  (So, tell me, doctor, are these typical feelings for a child of abuse?  I suspect it may be.)

I have worked with shamanism through books and tapes, but I would love to work with someone who knows what is the best way to go forward.  That would have to be easier than floundering in the swamp.  But I have faith.  I will find way through - then we'll see!

I would love to hear about your projects.   And I love "seeing" you here!

C.