Quick post

So how are we so hurt at such a young age...
to accept that there might not be a place for us at the table...
the time of community...
family coming together to share that abundance...
and stories and love.
I can't recall a specific incident...
but I remember also feeling as if I deserved to be left out...
ignored...
given the leftovers...
actually I am getting the image of Grandma and Pop's anniversary in Wildcat park...
being left outside...not welcomed...barely tolerated.
I always hated hearing,"you are to be seen and not heard".

I really had to fight that when I became a professional.
I had to force myself to speak up for patients...
to advocate...
which always made me nervous to the point of physical symptoms...
especially when I had to speak to an older male...
confronting power was so uncomfortable...
I doubted my own skills and knowledge because they were "more" than I was.
I enjoy speaking up now...and have learned not to confront, but to share a discussion...sometimes it feels more confrontational, but that isn't intentional from my side. I have come to trust that i am intelligent, well educated, and deserve to be heard.
In school (back in the 80s) I had to fight sexual harassment from those "more powerful" than me...it reinforced that "be seen, not heard" brain meme...
I am not a feminist...I believe that we are all acting and reacting the way that was modeled for us...but to be taken for your outward appearance rather than your abilities was and is demeaning...whether it is from men or women.

Got to run the boys to the doctor...
love you-
Maggie