I honor your compassion and your awareness. I read a book, How to Raise Moral Children, when mine were little. I think you are a success - whether we attribute that to Mom and Dad or to your own hard work. So many of us can't make that leap to compassion for the perpetrator. This may be why you left medicine. You are no longer able to cover symptoms and call it healed. (Remember George Fox - Wear it as long as you can? I think you no longer can!)
People aren't just bad. Something happened to block their innate goodness.
I think Me, too is the first step. Humans are tribal. When we personally think we are bad and unloveable, or when it goes larger and our society labels us as bad and unworthy - trash - we use that word for each other...Me, too restores hope. As I have said, I thought I was a monster. The first time I walked into an Al Anon meeting and heard my story from people I respected, it was my big Me, too moment. Everything changed. Me, too helps us recreate tribe. We know we are okay and we belong. Next, maybe we have to go public.
We are all so very ashamed. There is still something wildly emotional in me that believes I am disgusting and dirty and worthless. If people truly knew me that would send me away. Logically, I reject this, but...there is a little girl who is helpless and unloved. I am still trying to find her and love her, but she is slippery and elusive. She has survived by lurking in my psyche, quietly, not drawing attention to herself and she pushes the panic button when something or someone frightens her. She would like to be the safe hermit. I feel a little schizophrenic here, but it's the best way I have to describe what seems to happen inside of me.
So if we go public, we shine the Light on Me, too. It is no longer a quiet connection between two people. It becomes the seed of a tribe of people who are reconnecting.
I think I have mentioned that I was involved with Re-evaluation Counseling for awhile. It was not my answer, but it was a great step for me. The whole premise is to bare yourself and be accepted. I did most of my work one-on-one with a peer. No matter what I told her, she had compassion. She sat near me, holding my hand, encouraging me to talk, to feel, to share. No matter what I said she simply accepted me. And it was authentic, because I did the same for her. We always shared our time equally. And no matter what she told me I still loved her and accepted her. She has been one of the biggest gifts in my life. Neither of us are involved with RC anymore, but we are still involved with each other.
So we go public. We model compassion and the world will follow. Humans want to be connected, to be accepted, to connect with to accept...
And again, the fear is real. It just doesn't apply to us now. Somehow we have to find a way to bless the fear, to thank it for keeping us alive when we were vulnerable...then release it with love. Easy to say, but I have absolutely no idea how to do it. But I think if we try to ignore the fear or silence the fear, it will have to yell louder and will cause more chaos. Instead acknowledge it with gratitude and ask that part of self to just wait a minute - let's try something new...Words are flowing without much logical thought...but I will be vulnerable and not delete and see if they are still authentic tomorrow.
Because of the grouse ghosts I have been thinking about shamanism again. I think I feel drawn because of our Saami roots, and because what we are doing now is not very effective. I want to go back to something pre-Biblical when I think we were more human, more humane. I have found some interesting practitioners and teachers. What blew me away was that one will be teaching at Pendle Hill. I can't go because it is soon, and I already have plans...but she's teaching at a Quaker retreat center. That added a lot of weight to my leading.
There was a deeper feeling with the condom story. I had the impression that we are sick. All of humanity is weakened by disease, but it is a painful emotional, psychological disease. We need to be cleansed, to bring our emotions back into balance, maybe...to clear our psyches of the lies and the slime that pollute our true kindness and vulnerability...the loving nature of humans. But I think the cleansing, the rebirth is possible. I think we can love each other and heal.
Someone I talked to recently was on a train in Madrid. Unemployment is soaring there. Young people, with degrees even, ride the train all day, in tears, because the current system has blocked them. They are homeless and hungry and in despair. I am haunted by this, by what is going on...we need to heal. We need to love. We need to stop hoarding and be in the flow...only then will we remember how to be human.
Very philosophical this morning...How is your cat?
Passionate, flowing love to you today!!!
Clare
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