Plaid pansies

Crying is so good, even if you're just leaking a few tears.  It is cleansing the self with liquid light.  Lately, everything makes me cry.  It is a bit annoying, but oh, so freeing.  I am so happy to be able to cry.

I love your breakthrough.  It is brave of you to stand and wait for the tears, then welcome them.

The dream is still a mass of images.  I hadn't thought about layers of the soul.  I couldn't tell if I was going lower or going deeper.  

I did have an experience with ruffed grouse and maybe that is why the birds showed up in the dream.  I was working at my desk about this time of year, and I think it was two years ago.  I heard a slam.  I ran upstairs to see if anything had fallen, I looked around the house...nothing.  Later I went outside and found a dead "hawk" by the bush outside my window. Then I noticed a bit of down from its chest clinging to the window.  I picked it up, showed the neighbors and my grandkids then buried it.  About 10 days later I was at my desk, on the phone with someone I work with and there was a crash as a big bird came through that same window in an explosion of glass and landed on the floor of my office.  I picked it up as it gasped its last breath.  I realized it was the same kind of bird, and that it wasn't a hawk, it was a ruffed grouse.

A friend who was studying shamanism told me that I had better pay attention to the message of this animal - how much more did it need to do?!?  So I looked it up in a Ted Andrews book.

Sacred Spiral, Sacred Dance

Grouse medicine is the medicine of personal power.
 The Sacred Spiral is one of the
oldest known symbols of personal power.  

(http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/grouse.htm) 

  

It went on to say I should be dancing, and dancing what I want into reality.  And we all know how I feel about dancing.  So to be perfectly weird, I will admit that I did go out and dance in the moonlight, alone, in my backyard, beneath the gaze of the Quaking aspens.

So, I think the grouse returned via this dream, which is so much better than hurtling itself through my window!  In the dream there were two grouse, one had bright colored patches and the other was striped.  (Once I dreamed I was designing plaid pansies...so this fits with my crazy psyche!)

I guess I have to dance...I was walking yesterday, and I stopped and looked at the pond-becoming-swamp, and returned to my previous thoughts - that I have spent much of my life hovering near my body.  I have not been very physical, except maybe when I was pregnant and breastfeeding...could explain why I nursed for so long, and why I loved being pregnant.  To dance, I have to be in my body...and we all know how I feel about dancing.  I am a lunk.  

The initial inspiration for the psychic was to give voice to the grandparents who have been trying to get our attention and tell us something.  It was never to simply tell you/us what happened to us.  I always say we have to walk through the pain.  This is going to take tears...and you are on your way, love. 

C. 

I thought I was finished, but remembered there was a pastel colored turkey in the dream also.

Many saints and mystics have Turkey as a totem.
With a Turkey totem, you have transcended self.
You act and react on behalf of others.
This act is not a sense of moralism or guilt,
but a deep knowledge that all life is sacred.
What you do for others, you also do for yourself.

And my turkey was free, calm, wandering around campus, and baby pastels instead of earthy colors...

And I just realized that the two grouse in the dream were haunting me...and I just told you the story of the two grouse that died here in my office.  I think I found the link.  I need to pay attention to grouse again.  I think I need to look at shamanism a bit more.  I think I am being called or drawn or groused into it...

Goodnight again...C.