It was there all along

Clare,

I think that you are hitting upon something very powerful...
so powerful it scares us.
We are called or led to look within.
We intuitively understand that...
but we have been taught to not trust our intuition or leadings...
only listen to those who are more learned in these matters...
(Sorry my anti-organized religion bias is showing).

The gnostics were on to something...wisdom from going within and knowing...
because it was there all along.
But putting the Divine, not only within the grasp of everyone, but within everyone was too dangerous and couldn't be controlled...hence our need for the intermediaries...
no wonder they hid the manuscripts in jars.
The Catholic mystics also realized this...
The Dark Night of the Soul speaks of the lover searching out the beloved...
very intimate...very close...very personal
I believe that our separation from the Divine is an illusion...
and a human created illusion...
enlightenment is finally simply realizing that the Divine was right there all the time.
It's Dorothy's realization that she had the power to go home all the time...
she just hadn't understood that power.
I once had a very good friend, who happened to be a priest...
he spoke so passionately about God that I could feel the energy...
He taught me what Divine Intimacy is and that it is possible.
So, as my wise friend has told me time and time again...
go back and reconnect with the part(s) you left behind...
that takes more courage than I have been able to muster up to now.
I think that's why I am in a holding pattern on this journey...
yes I needed a rest from the intensity...
but it is scary as hell and I am beginning to recognize my stalling tactics again...
It is my busy-ness addiction...
I get myself engrossed in multiple intellectual projects so that my mind is constantly on overtime...
no time to go deep...even meditation is punctuated by lists of things to do.
So it is nearing the time of sitting by the well of my life and looking deeply at what scares me.

I had an interesting discussion with a man that I am working with today.
I was telling him about my research study and the adverse childhood experiences score and its link to disease.
We were comparing ACE scores...we both came in at 5...
he just kept saying I would have never guessed...you are so successful...so together and focused...
funny thing is that I was thinking the same thing about him!
You can't judge a book by its cover!

blessings...
Maggie