Trust

So we are at surrender...
that feels right...

If the request is to abandon it all,
have I courage to answer that call?
So afraid to give all that I know...
trust will be the key...

I wrote that, years ago while I was trying to discern truth from illusion...
it rings true now.
Surrender has to be complete and it demands trust...of yourself and the other.
We do have to lay down the weapons,
walk away from the protective defenses,
remove the distance that we maintain to keep ourselves safe from others.
All of those characteristics are found in abused children...
because they cannot trust...
they, no we, have been deeply wounded by those who were supposed to cherish and protect us.

The fact that we are contemplating turning and facing the enemy and saying "enough" is courageous.
I/we have been running and hiding for over 40 years, trying to stay far enough ahead to not have to face those fears...
but now, it is time to turn around, drop the defenses, become vulnerable, and reclaim those parts lost in the past.

Perhaps we should go to the psychic...
perhaps we need a conduit to assist us...
therapy and pharmacology can only go so far...
perhaps that is our next step.

So the vultures capture your attention?
I see them and dismiss them...
they are common around here, especially during the migration.
Now the hawks...they inspire me...
and the monarchs migrating thousands of miles...incredible.
I shall have to spend more time trying to appreciate the vultures.

At class last night we had a discussion about behavioral therapy...
I get so frustrated by this concept...
That by identifying triggers to bad behaviors you can reprogram a person to avoid the trigger, and therefore avoid the bad behavior. It reduces humans to the simplistic level of animals' reactive behavior.
When I argue that humans are more complex and that "fixing" a bad behavior, like drinking alcohol due to stress, requires more than a few sessions focused on the behavior, rather than the root cause of the behavior. How can we be so "symptom" focused and not look at the true cause so that the ultimate therapy addresses the root, the sum total of all the experiences of that person which are interpreted through their unique "lens"?
 No therapy is going to make my fears and coping mechanisms go away until I deals with the fact that I was abused and neglected as a child, during my growth and development. The problem is that behavioral therapy is quick, cost effective (cheaper) and you can demonstrate reduction in symptoms...but the stress is manifested in other ways...it's just a different outlet for that energy.

I am away at conference for the next three days.
It will be hectic, but I will be without family responsibilities...
perhaps I can retreat and spend time contemplating...
I think that sounds wonderful.
I will be checking in, and hopefully offering decent insights.
Have a good evening,
Maggie