Reflections

I walked out this morning at 7 am, into the cold to load my luggage because I would be too busy to check out later in the morning.
It was so crisp...the sun was bright...
so bright it hurt my eyes...
I've been inside running at a feverish pace for two days...
it felt so alive and yet it was very quiet, despite being in a very public place.
Then, regretfully, I had to go back inside to my duties.

I think a psychic is intriguing and has potential. The question is when I could get away to actually go there. It would probably not be until early December at the earliest.

So this weekend was really interesting.
It helped me to solidify my understanding of alot of life events.
I presented my research from last year during a reception on Thursday. I had as many people ask me why I stopped practicing medicine for social work than I did about my research.
People don't seem to understand it. So I did my best to tell my story as briefly as possible.
The bottom line is this...I gave up success for significance.

I had several wonderful discussions with young women this weekend. One is the office's part time tech person who is also a med student...we get along very well...she was asking about my family of origin and how they have reacted to my education and "success"...she is having difficulty with her family understanding her and she perceives negativity from them. I shared that we grew up with hardships and how it has been difficult to maintain contact and connection with siblings and parents. I shared a little about the current state of the union (or disunion) for our family and how everyone seems to have their own "version" of growing up.
She is also from a family of 9, lower socioeconomic status, we are much alike, although she is a minority.
I see her shining despite her difficulties...
I see her courage...
I see her beauty...
her tenacity...
her will to have a better life...
And I see myself...30 years ago.
I told her parts of my story so that she might see that waiting until she is 50 to self-reflect and attempt to heal will waste 30 years of her life...
not a complete waste of time and energy...but not living at full capacity either...merely surviving.
She is truly amazing.
It was an opening experience for me as well. I shared the lessons that I have learned the hard way...
but I was also able to see that I have learned and have grown...
I am becoming healthier...
I am able to process the painful and chaotic and see that peace is seeping in...allowing that pain to heal and transform into wisdom.

I spoke with an older gentleman for many hours this weekend as well...he told me the story of his divorce after 33 years of marriage. I saw his pain and confusion about a wife who was unhappy and left after many years...he worked all of the time to make her happy...and she wanted him to be home and available...I was able to process alot of the events and feelings from my own separation from this conversation.
I believe that despite the exhaustive demands of this weekend I was in the right place, at the right time, and in the right frame of mind to have these discussions.
I gained better insights into some of the events, my reactions, and the way that my life story has unfolded.

Healing is happening...we will thrive...
Love and blessings,
Maggie