Swamped

I do agree with you.  I truly believe all humans are born good and kind and intelligent.  Every single one of us.  Then violence, both from the system - our institutionalized violence, and for many of us - a more focused, personalized attack - begins to destroy our humanity.  Our kindness begins to erode away from our souls, we begin to retreat and hide, ashamed of whatever it is in us that deserved to be beaten or abused or so detested.  And somehow, in some of us, we adopt the behaviors. We learn that this is what the powerful does to the weak.  We normalize what happened to us by inflicting it on others.  What a thwarted way to find Me, too.

This really was the seed of this exchange between us for me.  For years I thought our brothers were just bad people.  Then as I began to realize that I know people are good, I started to reevaulate what happened.  I remember how nauseous I felt when I realized that the only way they could be sexually abusing you and S#3 was if someone bigger, stronger, more powerful had taught them about sexual abuse - experientially.  They are damaged, they are in pain.  I feel compassion now, for them, and so for all abusers.  But that doesn't make it acceptable to abuse.  But perhaps it means that they can be healed.

Modern medicine gives us the theory, maybe, that if the symptoms are gone, the problem is okay.  So if there is pain, we take an analgesic rather than look for the source of the pain.  It's easier.  This relates to the behavioral therapies.  Make the behavior stop.  It now looks okay.  And it's the same with dealing with abusers.  Say they are bad and either fix them or incarcerate them.  Now it looks okay.  And life is so much easier when we don't have to look at why the abuse happens.

Jerry Sandusky was just sentenced.  I wonder what happened to him.  Who raped him when he was 8 or 10 and taught him to accept the pain, the shame, the humiliation, to accept the knowledge that his body was not his, that he was simply a sex toy for a wounded man?  What happened to his wife to silence her, to blind her to the pain being inflicted on children in her own home?


So, I had a wild night, after visiting the swamp yesterday.  I went into the swamp last night.  Then I had a wild dream.

I have two guides that I work with frequently.  Both were with me last night.  One taught me, years ago, that when I wanted to heal someone or something, I should not use my own Light.  I would exhaust myself that way.  I needed to open myself to the Universal Light and let it stream through me.  

I dove into the pond that is becoming swamp and began struggling in the cold, muddy mess. I couldn't find my way through.  I was trying to find the place where the spring fed the pond, and I "saw" a buffalo wallow, but then I saw mammoths.  The ancient energy of mammoth was stuck in old emotions, every experience was interpreted in the light of those old emotions.  Rain brings some fresh water, but not enough to rinse those old emotions away.

I learned that water is liquid light...light at a thickened vibration.

Simply draining a swamp makes it easier to function, I am no longer cold and dirty, but my heart is closed and I live in my mind.  By doing do, I become untouchable...but that is safe because everything is under control.

To be healthy, to heal, I must open the source of the stream of fresh water.  Heart opens, emotions flow...and somehow we have an open channel...emotions flow away though our feet?  knees?  eyes? I'm not sure.  I guess we have different lifestyle choices.

There was more, but I am still processing...

And finally, as we get older and the swamp dried, we can function, we are faster, but it takes guts to stray out of the known clearing and go into the forest.  Not trusting the trees means not trusting your ancestors...

I think I will process the dream a little more, and post about it tomorrow, if I can make sense of it.  But I can tell you - there were gypsies!

More later...C.