Hey Love,
Deep breath. Now another one.
I am not sure what is going on, but neither one of you is getting what you signed on for. There is a big break in communications - whether spoken or implied.
And I agree that sending him back would be a major mistake.
First of, go to a counselor...not him, but all of you. Together. Listen to each other until you find the breach. I get the sense that no one is feeling heard. Everyone is trying to keep head above water, and mostly succeeding but while struggling all the while.
Go soon before any more erosion sweeps the solid from beneath your feet.
Go and be totally honest and let them know they are damaging you physically. But listen to what is happening to them. Find out what they are feeling, and how they are sensing their own damage.
And consider how your youngest's outbursts, plus your older son's drama at the beach are influencing the young man. He may be learning from their examples.
You have chosen a hard thing. Embracing an older child with years of rejection and damage, and with piles of wounds that trigger and are triggered by so much - that is a lot to take on.
As far as Maine. Thank you. I will think about it. Maybe see if youngest wants to go. She may have another knee surgery in her near future. If I have an internet connection, I could work from there. Actually, my best friend from college has a new position where she lives one week on an island off the coast of Maine, followed by a week off. She and her husband just bought a house on the mainland for her weeks off. She mentioned my coming to spend time, since, again, I could work from there. Maine seems ti be calling my name. I have only been in the very south, Kennebunkport, but I have always thought I would love it there...
So, my kitten came back. I had been calling her every time I went out. Yesterday morning as I took the dogs out before I started work, I called her and she answered. I sat down and she came near, but would run if I put my hand down. So I told her I had to work, and she needed to come or she would have to wait. I took dogs in, brought the third out, and she was calling me from the picnic table. I told her to come here, and she did.
Once in the house, she went straight for her bowl. She would eat quickly, come lean on me and purr. And she has been attached to me ever since. It has been hard to write reports, because she is snuggled against my chest, between me and the keyboard.
Next day, she is still on me. But I have convinced her to sleep on my lap instead of on my desk.
S#5 let me know there will be a birthday party for Papa Delana next month. I believe you and me and B#2 are the only ones who have not agree to come, yet. My youngest son is going. My middle son is thinking about it. His brother-in-law is getting married earlier in the month, and they all have to go to the mountains for a long weekend. At the moment, I am feeling rather cool and calm about the party. Will that last?????
Lots of hugs and kisses and love,
Clare
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