Unconditional love is harder than it sounds

I am glad that you see this work as facing the past and healing from it.
I, too, am opening and trusting in a relationship.
I have had periods in my life when I felt close to you...
when you were in college, when I was in Med school...
and then time passed and we were geographically and emotionally distant...
but you and S#3 have generally been the ones that I could trust (to the best of my ability).
But this consistent communication has really allowed me to feel that there is someone who is there to listen, and help, and not judge, and who can be trusted. Thank you.
I love the owl pellet analogy...I am going to use that one in a talk sometime...it's too good not to.
I hope that you don't mind....I will give you credit.

It was B#1 who put me into closets...at least he is the only one that I recall doing that. I am still afraid of the dark and don't like to be closed into any small space. He would let me out just before the parent(s) returned. I never told...even though it terrified me. Why did I keep all of those secrets? If I find out in 30 years that my kids didn't tell me about abuse they've experienced I will be heartbroken. I ask them to discuss their troubles with me. Sometimes they do but most times they say it's nothing.

I have been in almost daily battle with my boys.
It is either one or the other who is testing the waters, breaking rules, making really poor choices...and then can't understand why I am confronting them. I've been told that I am too strict, neurotic, overly protective, trying to push my goals onto them...and so on. Last night we were talking with my youngest and he started to shout at me and curse. I told him it was unacceptable and that I deserved better treatment and respect. I explained that I am his mother, not his friend, and that we will probably have many disagreements over the next few years. We may not like each other a whole lot, but that I will always love him and eventually we will find common ground and continue to be family. He seemed to understand, although he was still upset.

I just cannot stand being told how poorly I am doing something that I work so damned hard at.
I have thought about just walking away, get in the car and drive...
scare them that they could push me away...
but then I lose their trust and my credibility with them.
I want them to know unconditional love...even when I don't like them.
Unconditional love sounds simple and beautiful...
but the reality is that it is much harder than it sounds.

I know this is an age-old issue, one that many have made it through...but I need a reprieve.
Unfortunately, I can't make it to your wine dinner...Meeting commitments...maybe next time.
Perhaps a different weekend...I will look into it...let me know your schedule.

I hope that you sleep well on your morning of sleeping in...
Love and Light,
Maggie