Soul-betrayal

I am almost overwhelmed with your post about suffering.  I think I will have to digest before I respond.  One thought that screamed...suffering is when Grammy died.  Suffering is when my child needed open-heart surgery.  Suffering is the flooding going on in Colorado.  But being raped by a parent, being thrown at the wall by a parent, being locked in closets, denied food, humiliated, molested by brothers - this is not only suffering, it is soul-betrayal.  It makes something deeper than suffering.  It's easy to say detach from the suffering, but I am not sure if one can detach from the internal wound without detaching from life...emotional numbing of some sort.

My son and his wife did say, about a month ago, that they were ready to move back.  I think they realize they need family.  Why did they move west...first there was the economic incentive of a good job offer.  Then, they both have adventurous spirits.  And finally, probably to be independent and separate from family.  But now they seem to understand how important family is...I want them to come home.

How do you think our family dysfunction leaked into public life?  I always thought we were pretty discrete...

I had a strange train of thought/awareness.  I was watching the baby, and she looked so familiar.  She looks a lot like my oldest.  I was going through some old pictures, and realized that my granddaughter looks almost exactly like me - except for the eyebrows.  I wondered if some of my emotional release or emotional awareness comes from that.  Am I being taken back to me at her age, on some level of consciousness?  Am I recalling what had happened to me by her age.  I was looking at my baby book - the advantage of being the oldest!  By the time I was her age, I had been weaned from the breast to a formula of whole cow's milk with water and brown sugar.  And there are quite a few comments about having to take me to the dispensary for enemas.  Most likely the cow's milk caused my constipation...don't you think?

I am exhausted after this last weekend, and almost can not think straight...must go to bed!

Love to you!!

Clare